nine nine ninety nine Document

Editor's Note: As a compelling day, 9.9.99 has it made. It's one of a kind. As a number in the software industry, it has been designated as a day to watch, prepare for, then stay away from. So, we thought we'd ask an astrologer-who just happens to be an avid Bruce Sterling fan-what the stars have to say about this day. This is Kramer Wetzel's bonified, authoritative response.

"East Texas, of course, was utterly absurd."
from Distractions by Bruce Sterling (Bantam Spectra: New York, 1998, p. 153)

I was born and raised in a small town in East Texas, and I was stunned when I came across that passage in "Distractions" because it was so accurate. When dealing with some astrological prognostication, a few absurdist observations never hurt, either. The astrological event for the day occurs around 5:02 PM (Austin Standard Daylight Time), and it's when the Sun and the Moon line up exactly, signifying a new cycle.

Aries: Today is a special day, but there's a problem. The day is ever so close to being right for everything to work your way. It's so close to having something finally work out. It's like a puzzle, and you're picking up some rather wonderful ideas, but there's a missing piece, and you can't quite pinpoint the location of that missing part. Perhaps it's a seven-digit number floating around on a piece of paper--a terribly analog way of working--and this single scrap has the key to unlocking the big project that you've been working on. You're so-o-o close, but, if I were you, my fine Aries friend, just for today, I would take it a little bit easy. That scrap of paper with the right number, the right combination, the right part, it will turn up soon enough.
Taurus: In strictest astrological terms, Venus is at a standstill right now. Due to the perturbations in the way orbits are perceived, it looks like she's not moving. And what does the apparent non-linear motion of Venus have to do with you? She's creating a slightly frustrating series of events right now. For example, you try to look something up on the Net. You type in a search engine's URL, and your browser returns a "Triple X" site. That is, you missed one letter and wound up someplace you'd rather not be. Watch out for subtle misfires like this. Do your best to stick to what's important today. There's also a chance that you're inclined to make decisions about purchases that are best left to another time, like next week. As much as this pains me to say this, think twice before spending some surplus cash on an astrologer today.
Gemini: When it comes to multiple-thread operations, no one can surpass a Gemini. That's today's challenge, too, because your Gemini ability to communicate far out strips any other sign's bandwidth. The Moon lines up with the Sun, and this lines up really close to Mercury which all happens in the Tropical Zodiac place we call Virgo. Precision is inherent with this kind of a planetary arrangement, and that's what is so important about your bandwidth for the day. Or, in other terms, it's not your Gemini ability that's under close scrutiny, it's our lack of ability to keep up with you. As long as you are aware that you're moving, on the average, three times faster than anybody else, then you're going to be okay. Although, I would consider slowing your message down, just a fraction, so the rest of us can keep up with you.
Cancer: My first educated and scientific estimate (okay, it's really a guess) is that you don't much want to be here right now. Of course, it doesn't much matter where "here" is, it's just not the place that you want to be. You'd rather be at home, or, if you're at home today, you'd rather be at the office--although I find that a tedious analogy to make. But the picture is pretty clear, you've got something on your mind, something besides what's on the agenda. And your personal agenda is a little difficult to put in place right now. It's not like this is going to last for a long time. By the time tomorrow rolls around, the pieces will be following their prescribed order and peace will rule your world again. Today, you've got to put up with the problem that suggests you're not where you want to be.
Leo: Today is the end of the bad stuff that has been going on. Period. I'm tired of listening to Leo's complain, and I'm sure you guys are tired of complaining. Of course, the bad stuff (in this case, it's tied to Venus' actions) doesn't end without one last trick, and before the day is up, there's going to be that one last trick. It's like an obnoxious employer or client who slips one in on you at the last minute. "Hey, can you just finish this up before tomorrow morning?" The inherent difficulty has to do with a tired expression, and your frustration level can take on comic proportions as a certain pointed-haired (e.g., Dilbert's) boss comes around to ask one of those seemingly onerous questions. You're bright, you're well-positioned, and you know the correct answer. In some situations, though, isn't it better just to act like you don't know, when you're dealing with just such an authority figure?
Virgo: The New Moon (or the Dark of the Moon, depending on your frame of reference) is supposed to be an exciting time to start something new, a chance for a fresh beginning, the proverbial clean slate. That's what the old astrology books tell me, and I'm sure it can work that way for some people. But in my practical, day-to-day experience, I've discovered that the New Moon is better for other things, and sleeping comes to mind. There's one lecture slot that I hate to draw, it's the dreaded "after lunch" period, usually a one or two o'clock lecture time. I always do my best to avoid this period because the classroom or lecture hall is full of somnambulant characters, and it doesn't matter how exciting I try to make it, they always seem to nod off. You're going to feel like you're stuck in this lecture slot, all day long. The trick is to drink more caffeine than usual, and that sometimes helps. Avoid a heavy noontime meal. You know the tricks--it could turn out to be a great day, if you're not caught napping.
Libra: There is perhaps nothing worse than being caught in the limelight--the white hot glare of a Las Vegas spotlight when you least expect it. And nothing seems to rattle a decent Libra than being forced to make a presentation unprepared. Contingencies are always difficult to plan for, but today it's even more difficult to plan for unwanted contingencies. You have a chance to grab a little bit of that spotlight, but there's also a problem with it. There's a good chance that you'll have to field questions from the audience that you really don't know anything about. That's never bothered me, I can make stuff up. But it might leave you with an unsettled feeling. Expect the unexpected today.
Scorpio: I am often accused of picking on Scorpios. It's just not true. It's my absolutely most favorite Fixed Water Sign, and I am on a personal crusade to prove that Scorpio is often maliciously maligned. After all Bill Gates is a Scorpio, what more proof is required? Today holds a certain romantic intrigue to it, and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I hope it's not required that I spell it out for you. However, as long as Venus is still doing this standstill thing (see Taurus), it's best to take this with a degree of caution. Today is not the day to throw all caution to the wind. Some of your friends might try to goad you into making a fool of yourself, and that's not the best idea--what with the love planets where they are right now.
Sagittarius: Today is an exciting day. It has many possibilities. The problem with facing a day with so many fruitful possibilities is getting you to rein in the enthusiasm, and pick just one project that is worthy of your attention. "Pick just one?" your Sagittarius self gushes, "just ONE?" Yes, just one. It's a time to make some serious headway with one problem area. The rest of the week is going to be great, but just for today, try to figure out what the one--that single--project requires your utmost attention. The less scattered you act today, the more you benefit from this universal energy that cavorting about the place. Pick one--then stick to it. Mark Twain (a Sagittarian) once wrote, "Put all your eggs in one basket, then WATCH THAT BASKET."
Capricorn: Unlike the sign preceding you, I'm not about to suggest that you limit yourself to just one task. But unlike the Gemini slice of the sky, multitasking is not always your greatest strength. You're going to find yourself caught in a bubble today. Great ideas ricochet around the inside of brain all day long. You can take the long view, you can see 'the whole picture," but you can also micro-manage rather well. The problem is that you should be turning all this effort on yourself today. Get your working notes in order. Figure out a system to keep track of all that loose documentation that floats around. You jotted a spurious note on the back of a envelope somewhere today, and that idea is gem. Just realize that you might not be able to implement that idea today. But make sure you know where your notes are.
Aquarius: I've suggested that this is a strange week to be an Aquarius. And I'm sticking to my story, in general. To be more specific, there are a number of influences that are pulling and pushing on you today. It's like you've got a great idea, a plan to make a lot of money, a chance to change the very fabric of the way commerce is conducted right now, and by doing so, leave both your mark on the electronic landscape of reality and make some decent cash, to boot. Great. This looks good. Is it time to act? Not yet. Be patient, and that's going to be one of the qualities that you find hardest to adhere to, especially today. There's a persistent itch, and if you try to scratch this spot, it just seems to move. Instead of trying to hit the target today, instead of trying to be deadly accurate, try a shotgun approach, and cover as much ground as you can. You're close, and with certain analogies, close is good enough.
Pisces: Astrology is about time, and astrological timing is about "cosmic triggers." This whole "Virgo-Sun-Moon-Mercury" thing is just such a trigger. It's like you're loaded up in one of those cannons at the circus, and you're about to be shot out across the three rings, and hopefully, you land some place safe. I've warned you about a time like this, and I've harangued you until I'm blue in the face about what to do with these cosmic triggers. So let's just hope that you put some safety nets in place a while back. And even if you didn't, as you feel yourself sliding down into that cannon's barrel, remember that neat gymnastic trick called a "dismount," and see if you can do something like that—with a double somersault, just to add a little bit of flair to the act. And no matter what happens, act as if you planned it that way.

Kramer can be reached at www.astrofish.net