Week of: 2/22-28

Enobarbus: I shall entreat him
To answer like himself: if Caesar move him,
Let Antony look over Caesar's head,
And speak as loud as Mars. By Jupiter,
Were I the wearer of Antonius' beard,
I would not shave't to-day.
from Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra [II.ii.5-10]

Jupiter is the big news this week, and it looks like, according to the old warrior Enobarbus, like it might be a close shave. And thinking about Jupiter and close shaves, I've gotten one too many junk e-mails this last week, and I'm a little irritated that the various servers I use can't seem to choke this stuff off. It seems to be someone is trying to make a fast buck off the Internet e-mail gateways. Pretty lame. Tirelessly, I run several mail lists, one if for jokes, and one is for an astrology update each month. No spam, and any advertising is sequestered at the end of the message. But if you do want to cash in the on the extraordinary commerce on the net, you can always order up some useful and amusing astrology stuff right here. It's better than getting a "get rich quick" scheme in your mailbox.

While I was at the event in Corpus last weekend, I got to swapping tales with some of the other folks, and there was one fisherman who offered up the nicest tale about bass fishing. There's a number of good lakes around here, and he's claimed a couple of record setting catches. "I was working along the bank up there at Canyon Lake, and there was this one branch that was hanging really low over lake -- with a single acorn at the very end. And there was this squirrel, he kept inching out, and the branch would dip lower, and he'd scurry back. But that squirrel was very determined. After all, there was an acorn at the very end of the branch. That squirrel finally got up enough nerve to run out to the end of the branch and snag that acorn. The branch almost dipped into the water. Just as the squirrel was getting the acorn, a ten pound bass jumped up and gulped the squirrel. Wait, there's more. About two seconds later, that bass poked his mouth above the water again, and put another acorn out on the end of that branch."

Fish tales are always good. The most interesting part of last week's quiz show question is the fact that 3 out of every 4 responses came from Sagittarius sun sign people. The only other thing that seemed to be common was the fact that all the Sagittarius all knew the source of the quote. History buffs? Or are Sagittarius just above average in every respect? Of course, if I were to make such a suggestion, I fear a few people would voice their opinion about that last statement.

But you just have to love a Sagittarius this week. We're laughable, affable, and thoroughly unflappable. Last week, it was a quote from Winston Churchill, from Nov. 10, 1942, as he addressed a group about victory in N. Africa. And I sure hope that last week was the end of the beginning, like it was for them. The best thing about this kind of a trivia answer is it gave me the actual source of a quote I've been using for a long time. I mean, I knew who it was, I just didn't have all the citation. But I do now.

For a decent trivia question this week I consorted with the great volume of American Literature and found something that seems to work for me. In fact, it sort of fits with this week's astrology. Send me the author, source, and maybe even a page number, for this quote, and I'll send you a free short, "el-cheapo" chart report:

“To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.”

Aries [3/23-4/20]: In some of the more arcane studies of astrology, I've found that Venus can be an active little planet, bringing a lot more than just "love - lite" into a person's chart. And Venus is in Aries now, along with Mr. Jupiter, that old "By Jove" himself. So it's a good week to use that very exclamation, "By Jove" because it's going to have a pretty profound effect on you this week. It's all good, too. Just realize that a Venus AND Jupiter get together are going to further exacerbate the situation, and I'm sure you know just exactly what situation it is that I'm talking about.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: I like to put this to you in Latin, and we are grateful for the odd Canadian scholar who has helped with the translation: "Ibam ibi, feci id." Proof positive that Latin is not a dead language. Proof that stuff you say in Latin sounds erudite. And what does it mean? We're so glad you asked -- here at FGS World Headquarters and Institute for Languages, we have come up with a snappy way to talk about Saturn. "Been there, done that," is the translation. Saturn is making a slow entry, and his heavy boots are going to be all over you. Just when you thought you had finished up some old business, it turns out that the old business is back. And you will often repeat that phrase in Latin, just to help yourself along.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Stay home this week. I know it's not a pretty idea. Travel, trips abroad, far flung destinations -- they all look good to you. Anything to get you out of the trailer park. But there's some routine stuff at home you need to tend to, and this would be the time to do just that. I mean it. There's a romance thing that is kicking in some secret, dark corner of your life, and it's like a big fish, a grand daddy of all fish, and you can plan on how you're going to catch this one. But the actual fishing thing? Not this week. A trip to the lake will likely have no yield for you.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: I'm not liking this week for Cancer's, not one little bit. There's good and bad things going on -- good being a sun shining merrily in Pisces, along with Mercury there. Bad being Jupiter in Aries, along with Venus, making a "less than wonderful" tension in your life. So what's it going to be? Personally, I'd flip a coin. I kept getting heads, but I think that's more like a little "heads up" to the fine Moon Children this week. With Jupiter figuring into this equation, though, there's always the opening scene from a Tom Stoppard play that comes to mind, and you might beat the odds. Or, if you're my editor, you might beat the odd -- ouch.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: One of the strangest things I encounter in day to day travels and looking at charts has something to do with Virgo's who have a lot of Leo in their chart. Or, in this week's example, a Leo with a lot of Virgo in his or her chart. And even if there isn't even a dab of Virgo in your chart, you're going to feel like there's a lot of it. So don't fight the urge, get out there and do some yard work. Or house cleaning. One of those Virgo archetype activities will do the soul good this week. A little compulsive behavior, when properly directed cleanses the soul. Consider it your own special spring cleaning time.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: My fine Virgo friend, nothing could be better. ... actually, I'm sure you can think of any number of things which could be better. It's a half birthday, of sorts, and that can go several ways. You can be depressed all week, or you can rejoice and have fun. I prefer the rejoicing routine myself, but you can do whatever your fine Virgo mind suggests. You're dealing with a little bit of a problem right now, what with both the Sun and Mercury wheeling along opposite of you. So you can expect a few problems to surface during this week, problems which will require your undivided attention. It shouldn't be too hard, though, you can put the party aside for a moment, just for the fun of it.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: You know, just as soon as I get a little bit of good news going in the Libra section of the sky, there's always something else coming along, just in time to make you miserable. Maybe miserable isn't quite the right word, but with the aftermath of Cupid's little errant arrows, I have to wonder about it. Even the dusty old tomes I consulted suggested that it isn't that bad, it's just not as stable as you would like it to be. However, I wouldn't be surprised if something great falls into your lap this week. I'm just worried about the dry cleaning bill.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]:I love Mars, and, as a Scorpio, you love Mars. You just have to admire a planet that is poked and prodded, probed and pilloried, and keeps on ticking. While it may sound like an old commercial, it still works. Mars is getting the worst of it from other planets this week, and Mars is all over the Scorpio chart, too. So you're likely to feel like you're being poked and prodded, probed and who knows what else. In fact, you're week reminds me a South Park episode. You know the one. So if you run into any Aliens this week, cover yourself. I'll promise that you can avoid cartoon violence, if you're careful.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: I had a Virgo girlfriend once, and her son who was only 7 years old at the time he offered up this term. I liked so much: "romantical". That word seems to resonate all over your happy little chart this week. There's a distant wafting of the gentle zephyrs which indicate that romance is blowing your way. Try using that word when speaking to targets, I mean, to possible people you have a stated interest with. The romance idea might be a little goofy, but it's a good idea this week. The influence is from one of those feminist asteroids. The hard part is getting Bubba to act like a sensitive and caring person without getting too goofy.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: There is a distant breeze blowing, and you can feel changes are a-coming. Now, are you going to be in charge of these changes? Or are you going to let that vile mistress Fate dictate what's about to happen? With a week like this, and a fortunate, for you, lunar cycle, you can make some decisions which will help you along. It's going to be a bang up spring and summer, so start getting the ideas in place. Like now. Don't put this one off. Make those plans, and look at it all on a spreadsheet. It never hurts to be a little calculating. That might sound terrible, but it works. Run the numbers and see what they say.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: There is a bit of this week to think about things like spring break. I mean, the usual conflagration, that annual rite wherein everyone heads on down to the beach to play, it's time for some good plans to be planned. Now, a lesser sign (like the other 11) wouldn't be so forward thinking. And, assuming you live in Texas, that means you're headed to the Gulf Coast. It's an event that you don't want to miss, it's a calling within your very nature, just like the way nature calls certain migratory birds to return to the same pond, year after year. Make some plans to go back to your favorite winter watering hole. There's no time better than this week to start sorting out the upcoming vacation plans.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Happy Birthday to that one, extra special Pisces. After being on the road for many years, I often get accused of picking on this sign, or that sign, but according to my driving record, the only sign I really seem to avoid is a stop sign. And that's a good sign for you to consider this week, the red, octagonal one. I know, I know, I've been telling you how wonderful everything is, but this week, it's time to stop, take a rest, prop your boots up on the coffee table, and take a well-deserved break. You can then ponder my prognostication about how it's all good in Pisces right now. In fact, pull those boots off, and just put your bare feet on the table. You don't need to be going anywhere too soon.