horoscope

"O Jupiter! how weary are my spirits."
Rosalind in Shakespeare's As You Like It Act II, Scene IV

That bit from "As You Like It," couldn't be better timed. Some of us are growing rather weary with Jupiter's movement right now.

There's a trivia question in Sagittarius, a politically savvy trivia question. The first hundred or so correct answers to the question at the end of the Sagittarius scope gets a free, abbreviated, el-cheapo FGS planet profile from headquarters, subject to approval by the qualified team of judges — the boys in the back room.

>The answer to how Meatloaf got his name is:
>While he was working the show hair.....it seems everyone
>liked to order in meatloaf...and he loved eating it....so they gave him
>the nickname of Meatloaf....
>I absolutely enjoy your horoscopes.....
>Different twist to the boring ones I've read.

>Well, while there have been many stories circulating the
>music industry...Marvin Lee "Meatloaf" Aday actually acquired his name
>from his alcoholic-cop father at a very young age. No, the nurses at the
>hospital maternity ward didn't pack him in a Swanson Frozen Dinner Box
>labeled MEATLOAF...
>
>Meat grew up in Dallas, Texas. His mother a schoolteacher (who wrote a
> popular handbook on Communism) and father the aforementioned
>policeman. He was a fairly "husky" fellow, (tipping the scales at 240
>pounds in the seventh grade) and his father gave him the unflattering
>moniker at an early age.

Aries : The situation is not nearly as dire as you think. I know that it feels like you have one too many items are crashing down. In fact, to evoke a particular character from a Scottish play, you might look out over your ramparts in life and notice that the forest seems to be moving towards you. Is this a prophecy from some old hags, or what? But as the messenger address the character MacBeth, "Let me endure your wrath if't be not so:/ Within this three mile may you see it coming;/ I say, a moving grove. (V.v.64)" It's bad luck to mention the play's name, but you get the picture. Something is going on this week, and your unlimited supply of hope and cheer is going to be drawn upon in order to get through this mess of a week. The question for you, is which figure do you want to play, winner or loser?

Taurus : The little window that you had, the chance for it all to get better is gradually shutting now. In fact, we are into the waning aspects of what was good time. If it didn't get done last week, it might not get done at all. This unfortunate time is also on the edge of a Mercury opposition. While that's sometimes good, in this case, it looks like it is review time.

Personally, I would just curl up with a fat paperback book full of nonsense (action, adventure, murder mystery, romance, fishing periodical). Some kind of light reading material to whisk me away to an imaginary world. Either that, or a text book. It's a backward moving Mercury so review and seclusion is good right now. I let my literary journals pile up and save them just for times like this.

Gemini : I've made promises before, but I would encourage you to take a look at the Cancer Scope for this week before you go much further. Communication is always important to a Gemini, in fact 42 out of 43 of the Gemini's I know all live and breath via telephone. Maybe it's because it has a microphone and an earphone is the reason it's such a popular device with you guys. Just be careful about how you use it this week.

Personally, I would keep a phone around merely for hooking up a computer to. That would mean a modem and written communication rather than talking. You have a unique ability to irritate people this week. If you stick to a more pedestrian form of communication, like E-mail, you will find that you can proof read what you were going to say, and that might keep you out of trouble. Or, at least, minimize the collateral damage for the week.

Cancer : If you give a man a fish, he gets some supper. If you teach a man to fish, he's gone all weekend. To add to this little axiom of life, I would have to point out, that if you teach a man to fish, he learns how to lie rather well, too. It was "this big." Sure. The clever little bit that fishing professionals use, that catch phrase, "should have been here yesterday, they were really biting then," applies to this week. What I would encourage you to do, though, is not to tell any of the customary tall tales about how big the fish was. With Mercury doing his deed, and moving from a fire sign backwards into a water sign, you are going to be tempted to follow one of the age old maxims in life, "I fish therefore I lie." This week, that sort of hyperbole might just backfire, thanks to Mercury.

Leo : It was love the first time I saw her. She was about 21 inches long, she had a waist of close to 25 inches, and she weighed in at 21 pounds. Some folks would suggest it was love at first bite. I remember reeling her in rather well. It was a struggle at first, but as she got tired, she became mine, all mine. She lost her will to fight as I got her closer to the boat. You're going to find a similar scene unfolding this week, and the closer you get your target to your boat, the closer you get to putting that sucker in a net, as the moment to reach over and drag your trophy up by her gills gets here, suddenly. ... it all slips away. Don't be upset. That's why sport fishing is so fun. Just because I once landed a trophy fish doesn't mean that you're not going to, but this week, you get more close calls than actual successes.

Virgo : There is a growing sense of desperation in the chart for the other signs this week. However, calm and efficient Virgo is getting through this mess just fine. In fact, while other people begin to panic, you find yourself with a sly grin, looking about yourself and wondering just what exactly all the fuss is about. In a time when a cool heads prevail, you're going to be the cool headed person. Therein is the good news. You also suspected that I would have a little bit of bad news for my long-suffering Virgo friends, and that's true, I do. Mercury is still gallivanting along a path that is making communications a little tricky. So the longer you remain the cool, the better off you will be. Wait until Mercury rights himself before claiming your awards for your good work at this time. If you need to lie, drop it to me in an E-mail, I always believe what a Virgo tells me, always, sure, right.

Libra : Libra is experiencing a shift in its "time-space continuum" this week. It's like some really bad science fiction, or perhaps it's a bad science fair project, or maybe even an illustrious mad scientist. Whatever the case is, this little shift is going to put you off from the rest of the world for the next week. You'll be late, but your watch says you're on time. You'll be early, but you're internal clock says you're running late. You go the post office and wind up at the drugstore. You go to the grocery store and end up at the post office. It's not you. Well, maybe it is you, but we'd like to think differently. There are two little astrological obstacles you face this week, and all you need to do is slow down and thoroughly assess what you are going to do before you take action. Remember that reality is playing a game with you right now, and many things appear to be other than they are. Work with this.

Scorpio : Road Rage gets driven into the office this week. If you see one of your coworkers appear with a long package, or a suspicious bulge under his or her coat, be prepared to duck underneath your desk. What's worse, this suspicious package might not actually be a firearm, but it might one of its relatives, something like a Super Soaker. Looks like a gun, has a trigger like a gun, works like gun, but it's essentially harmless. It's another one of the Mercury tricks right now. In my limited experience with Scorpio's, pranks like this little surprise don't go over too well. Of course, since it IS your birthday time, and since this some sort of a belated birthday gag, you're supposed to laugh it all off. Personally, I'd be just a tad bit irrational if some one soaked me at the office, against my wishes.

Sagittarius : One of the former governors of Texas, Ann Richards, once agreed to have her picture taken while she was astride a large Harley motorcycle. It was on the cover of a magazine, in fact. So when it comes to doing outlandish activities for a little promotional work, don't be afraid this week. Can you say that your state governor has ever allowed his picture to be taken while he was astride a big Harley? [No, two falls out of three doesn't count!] Consider some of the options because this sort of activity is very hot in your chart this week. You're a little more willing to take a risk that might, or might not, be good for your public image. I'd run the question of the publicity photos past the boys in the back room before agreeing to anything this week. Of course, you might just wind up with a new motorcycle, too. Bonus points if you can tell me what Ann Richard's sun, moon and rising sign is.

Capricorn : At this point, you're tired of me hammering on and on about Mr. Mars. Perhaps we should talk about Mercury retrograde? Even that is isn't so hot. How about a lunar phase? Nope, not that either. Let's talk about you. It's a good start to a bad week, and it stays like that. "Stays like what?" you ask. Good start to a bad week, the week feels like it should be awful, but you get by with some form of, according to the chart, misplaced optimism. Your friends and family are all going to be wondering about you, like, why aren't you in a bad mood with the world apparently crashing down on your head? Every cloud should have a silver lining, and in Texas, we like the rain clouds, sometimes. So do you. Continue on with your good attitude this week — makes us wonder what you're up to.

Aquarius : Mandrake is plant from the far reaches of the world, at least the far reaches to me. I hear that you might have to go as far away Arizona or Mississippi in order to find some of this stuff. Of course, once you leave Texas, all the states get a lot closer together, tiny little things that they are. But that's not going to stop your search for Mandrake this week. According to the legends, it's a highly intoxicating narcotic. What's more, the root looks like the figure of person, and it's been reported that it screams when you pluck it. As you spend this week looking for this exotic substance, exercise more than a little caution when it comes around to plucking your acquisition out of the ground. You don't want to hear the little plant screams in the night, and if you do hear them, you might be plagued by them for the next few weeks. So take it easy when it comes to whatever you're grabbing, you might not want to rip it all up by the roots this week.

Pisces : You must realize that, after years and years of writing about how bad a Mercury retrograde is, I shouldn't be saying this right now, but you've got the oddest little hint in your chart that there is something kicking up its heels on the "love thang" front. Like any good country dancer (and we're not talking stupid "line" dancing, either), this is yet another dance. However, you're going to be able to make some astute judgments about your future partner because the astrological weather will reveal more hidden characteristics than you might want to see. Now, don't let a little planet influence like Mercury get in the way. It's like being at the Broken Spoke, and you're not going to let anyone tread on your new boots.