"Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of
thy caduceus, if ye take not that little, little, less than little wit from
them that they have"

(Thersites in Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida, Act II, scene iii, intro)

Mercury goes retrograde about three times a year. It's a natural cycle. It's a natural event. It's perfectly normal. It's nothing to be afraid of. It is something to watch out for. And, after heeding some of my own advice, I was very ready to take a vacation when this Mercurial Cycle was approaching.

First of all, I love London. It might have something to do with the fact that I have a degree in literature, and this place has long been the home of the printed word. It's especially kind to white, European males because that's been the backbone of good literature for a long time. Besides that, London always offers good theater experiences. When the weather's nice enough, the National Theater is walking distance from where I stay. The London home of the Royal Shakespeare Company is a short tube ride away.

Hatchard's is a lovely bookstore with that feeling of being in an English bookstore, and it's just a short walk down to Piccadilly Circus. So much to do, and so little time... and the FGS Faithful never let me down. One regular from El Paso was doing time in Paris and, to listen to her talk, hating the French. Like most of us English majors, she also loves London. It's a peaceful, easy feeling. And you can understand what the people are saying, most of the time.

After shooting around London for the better part of day, we agreed to meet Ma and Pa Wetzel for some tea. This is no ordinary affair, this was to be HIGH TEA at the Lanesborough Hotel. After some exhaustive research, Ma Wetzel has determined that is the best place for tea. So me and my friend head over towards the hotel. The Lanesborough is right by Hyde Park Corner. There are a myriad of exits from the tube stop for Hyde Park Corner. I lead my friend up the ramp to three different times, finally getting it right on the third try.

"It's okay," she laughed it off, "Mercury is retrograde...."

When my folks joined us, Ma Wetzel had a harrowing tale of being passed by a Number 9 bus three different times. She finally had to take a cab, and even at that, she was a little late. I introduced my friend.

"Three times the Number 9 went right past me -- need to speak to them about that. Is Mercury retrograde?"

Now, when my folks had sat down, I had introduced my friend as Irene (Aries, lots of Gemini), and Irene shook hands. But as the tea, crumpets, scones and little cucumber sandwiches arrived, Ma Wetzel kept referring to Irene as "Linda." After the third or fourth time, Pa Wetzel politely suggested that my friend's name was Irene and not Linda.

"Is Mercury retrograde?" Ma Wetzel asked, "I'm so sorry, Linda."

It didn't take long to get from tea to the theater for that night's show. The performance was wonderful and evocative. In fact, this performance had to be one of the better casts I've seen do this play, Shakespeare's "Troilus and Cressida." Admittedly, it's only the third time I've seen it on stage, but you get the idea that I really liked it. From the theater, it's hop on the tube to go home for the evening.

After the tube made a few stops, we had to hustle off. Now, both of us can navigate pretty well via the London Underground. It's a simple system, and the maps are color coded as well as having instructions in English. But somehow, we had gotten onto the wrong ride, and we were headed out towards the wild midlands of England. Get off at the next stop, walk over the little trestle bridge thing, and double back on our route.

So much for Mercury retrograde.

Check to make sure the flue is open.

Check to make sure the car is in park.

And make sure you know what train you are getting off and on.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998 &etc.