Week of: 3/9-15

"Trouble ahead, trouble behind. Casey Jones you'd better watch your
speed..."
-- Grateful Dead, from "Workingman's Dead" (Garcia/Hunter)

Casey Jones -- his real name was John Luther Jones, and he was born
March 14, 1864, in southeast Missouri. His family moved to Cayce,
Kentucky. Hence his name while working for the Illinois Central line.

Aries
Mars is warming you with its fire. This should be good. If not, that's
your own dang fault. As an Aries, you should like this week. Mercury and
Mars are dancing the tango in your sign, which means that your thinking
and actions are in graceful, poetic harmony. This differs from your
typical situation: Thinking on one track while actions take the bus.
You're the one who makes it happen this week, so get out there and take
charge, cap'n.

Taurus
Lunar perturbations make for an uncharacteristically dismal early spring
week. If you're up in Fargo-land, it's still winter. Let me qualify
that: If El Nino is visiting the North at this moment, y'all may be
growing oranges. Down here in Texas, things are warming up, just like
they will for you, too. Soon. It pains me to say this, but it's a good
time to spend time alone. Some call it meditation. I think it looks like
a nap. It's almost like El Nino: Why don't they just call it rain? If
you can, find a warm, dry spot in the sun, and nap. Meditate. Whatever.

Gemini
Let's talk about love. It's a many-splendored, hydra-headed thing. It's
strange and quixotic, just like you (in a good way). You have great
ideals about love. Right now, you may find yourself challenged in a
specific relationship. There are problems with this high-falutin' love,
and I want you to return to planet Earth for minute and look at this
relationship without bringing along your happy bells. Take a take hard
look at what's really happening. It'll allow you to see Dream Land for
what it really is.

Cancer
Two words: good week. Don't confuse the spelling of those words; It's
not wood geek, or even good weak. This being said, certain individuals
will present you with an obstacle or two. Or three. These obstacles are
not insurmountable, but they do command more attention than you want to
give. Be prepared to give more than you'll receive. In the grand scheme
of things, it'll come back.

Leo
We begin the week with you being in great shape. Know what? It gets
better. You are SO money, and you don't even know it. On the other hand,
romance is, well, NSF: Non-sufficient funds. But something surprising
might turn up. No promises on that front since the nature of romance
resembles the stock market.

Virgo
Ever hear that annoying noise a commercial vehicle makes when it's in
reverse? "EEP-EEP-EEP-EEP." The purpose of the alarm is to let people
on your blind side know that something large and deadly is approaching.
This week, you are the truck. Make sure your alarm is functioning
because you're about to back up over an old relationship. Your current
beau or ex might want to know this before you drive over their head.

Libra
Frustrations hit a new level this week as everyone at the office wants a
piece of you. It's like this: You keep catching fish and everyone wants
what's in your bait bucket. Here's the secret: garlic-laced bacon. Bass
crave it. Now that the secret's out, don't you do the same thing. Keep
your guard up this week and have a fly swatter handy for nosy Nancys.

Scorpio
You know you're in trouble when your life resembles a bad country song.
Did you know that when you play a country song backwards you get your
girl back, the bank returns your mortgage, the truck comes out of hock,
and your horse is happy to see you? I swear to God it's true. I read it
on the Internet. Anyway, unsettling times lie ahead, and my advice is to
prepare for minor adjustments in your lifestyle. If you haven't been
listening to any country lately, now is a good time to start. Frontwards
or backwards.

Sagittarius
A rather nice configuration in the heavens right now resembles a
supercharger on an outboard motor. However, adding an induction device
to an outboard motor is not a practical idea. So, let us concentrate our
supercharger energy on other areas of our life. Like travel. Somewhere
foreign? Let's try New York City. "No, I would NOT like to buy a watch!"
California? That's not a foreign place, it's outer space. All this talk
about travel should give you some good ideas for this week.

Capricorn
The planets were mean and vicious to poor ol' Cappys for a long time.
When other astrologers are predicting relief in sight, I must warn you
of minor details that are conspiring to make you feel like the bad old
days are back. It's really not that big of a deal. It's just that every
time you turn around, you might be hit with another load of non-sensical
stuff. It might even stink. In fact, you'll probably end the week
wondering, "Why me?" Why indeed! It's because you're the mighty
Capricorn, the stout mountain goat who can take it all in stride. Which
is what you must do this week, after you finish the "why me" meditation.

Aquarius
Another love theme. Weird. The sign of the water bearer is not noted for
being overly romantic, but you might find yourself acting silly and
writing love poems. Actually, the best expression of love is the passion
a man feels for his truck. Try explaining that in poetry. But wait,
there's more. Before you lapse into high-octane haiku, consider the
importance of a bass boat. Can you write just one paen to your truck and
leave out the boat? Won't the boat be jealous? This love triangle
between you and your equipment is bound to get interesting.

Pisces
There always seems to be one Pisces whom I forget about. Contrary to
what's written in the National Enquirer, not all of my stuff is written
for her. Here's another belated happy Pisces birthday to you, girl. For
the rest of y'all, have a good birthday month. Enjoy the goodness that's
about to befall you.