Subject: Elvis and Why Two Kay?
From: Shady Acres Trailer Park
Subject: Special to Astronet.com

"Just don't you step on my blue suede shoes!"

We've got an interesting year going on, and it starts out on the right foot, or the left foot, of course, depending on how you want to approach this, but either foot forward is going to work. And the beat is a constant, this year, a steady, FIXED rhythm.

Custom written charts like this one for the King are available handcrafted in South Austin at Bubba's Live Bait Barn (Sushi Bar, Low rider conversion garage, monster truck assembly plant, Feng Shui consultant, and [BBQ - ice cream - cigar - microbrew] factory e-mail for details.

The accepted data for the King is Jan 8, 1935, 4:35 AM, Tupelo, MS. The chart has a Capricorn Sun, a Pisces Moon, and a 12 degree Sagittarius Ascendant.

January: This month starts out with a rather powerful event, one that will have a lot to do with the coming year, it's an event which doesn't happen to everyone in a lifetime, but like all things connected with this particular planet's transits, it's best not ignore what's going on. There's also the oddest hint from relative movements elsewhere, as to the true nature of what is happening. In January of 2000, Pluto moves from 11 degrees of Sagittarius to 12 degrees. The point where the effect of Pluto begins to be felt strongest occurs right around the King's birthday. This is what is considered to be a strong, and important astrological event in anyone's chart, and there's a hint from Mars (close to passing his natal Moon) which indicates just what direction this will take. This is part of the plot uncover the King's roots. And Pluto manages to dig things up like nobody's business. Pluto is good at that.

Some old time astrology fiends suggest to watch for "attacks from hidden enemies" but if you've been in hiding for so long, who will attack you? That's the nature of the transit, though, because it brings powerful forces to bear on a chart, and this case means that there's a sudden urge to go public, and not like an IPO, either, except in the metaphorical sense. Pluto gets closer and closer to the King's Ascendant and Mars takings a fly–by at his Moon which means there's some issues around his children which bubble to the surface. Time to consider some carbon–14 dating on certain remains? Maybe a little DNA testing? With Pluto setting the tone for the year, anything could happen.

Pluto's energies have a tendency to bring subconscious desires and compulsions to the front, and the closer he gets to the King's ascendant, the more pronounced this will be. Mars crossing his Moon will also have some similar effects and since the natal Moon is in the third house, it would heartily suggest that there's something afoot with the women in the King's life.

The first eclipse of the year is right at the very beginning of Aquarius, and the one which follows in the middle of Aquarius, in the first week of February is also on the Aquarius/Leo axis. All this does is shake things up for our poor fixed signs. It wouldn't be surprising, since this falls on the King's 2nd and 8th house line, to see Elvis Memorabilia Stock spike in an upward fashion.

February: With Pluto actually crossing his Ascendant right at the beginning of this month, it's s time to consider what is really going with the women in the King's life right now. The tabloid press has a field day with reputed affairs and secret marriages. If those papers were really true, it would mean something. But they're not -- the popular press has missed a few details, and that's going to be abundantly obvious. The most accurate research I've encountered comes from three different British novelists, and all three of those authors suggest that the King is still in the Midwest, and he's been flipping burgers, whistling his old tunes. However, with Pluto now firmly in his first house, and now also "on the angles" for sure, he's getting a little tired of donuts and burgers and relative obscurity.

Pluto on the ascendant also affects appearances, and his wardrobe, should he decide to emerge from his hidden place, would be a basic black attire. This is often suggested as a color of mourning, and it would also be a distinct change from the white apron he wears as a short order cook. There's a change coming, but as Mercury starts it's retrograde path later in the month (the first retrograde of any planet this year), he's going to have strong second thoughts about emerging from hiding. To make the Mercury Retrograde pattern feel that much worse, it's happening in the King's Third House, and that's the house which is nominally associated with Mercury. Expect some seriously delayed and garbled messages during this time. The King is confused about what his spokesperson is supposed to be saying.

This month's Mercury Retrograde is going to feel speaking on helium — the King's normally deep voice takes an almost cartoon quality in tone.

March: For the King, March is going to start out with a sour note stuck in his throat, sort of like having a rancid French fry make it halfway down your craw before you realize it tastes "funny." This is a little "Mars oppose Mars" thing, and it's really right on the end of last month, but the trailing aspect of its effect extends right into the beginning of this month. Makes things a little unhappy. Combine that with the Mercury stuff happening, and there's a degree of unpleasantness just floating around for the first of March. In strictest of astrological terms, Mercury turns around and starts a forward movement right before Pluto starts his retrograde action. Remember that this year set up this "Pluto Conjunct the Ascendant" dynamic in the King's chart, so this is a month when it really gets a powerful dose of Pluto energy. As Pluto starts to reverse his position in the King's chart, it's time to look at some of his big issues which have been pushed to the front by this little (but very potent) planet. This is the sort of time when Elvis Presley Enterprises will go after black market black velvet painting manufacturers. While this is a noble cause, with the disposition of the planets, I would have to wonder just how effective the legal wrangling will be. Pluto has tendency to make us all a little obsessive at times, and rather than trying some possibly health endangering diet fad, seeing as how this all a first house scenario, I really suspect that the it's the Elvis Black Market which will get attacked. It's a good battle, but like the "cease and desist" order I once received for having recorded Elvis music on my web site, as the month draws to a close, I doubt that the legal hounds will be able to effect much change. But what's a good battle without some kind of a fight? Pluto is like that, some days. Maybe even, all month long.

April: April is a cruel month because it's a traditional (in literary circles) beginning when the snows which have covered the grounds begin to thaw and the little green shoots come springing forth. (Nota Bene: it's that way in the Northern Hemisphere, anyway.) The Sun enters the tropical zodiac sign of Taurus April 20, joining Mars, Jupiter and Saturn who are already there. There's been much attention paid to the fact that the NEXT month sees this big conjunction of all the inner planets, and it also sees the 20 year reunion of Saturn and Jupiter. What might be missing is the time which is spent getting ready for this big deal, and especially how it's going to affect somebody like a Capricorn King. That's this month. Jupiter and Saturn are drawing closer to each other but their combined effect ain't felt yet. However, with Mars added to the Taurus stew, it's going to heat things up a bit. The rest of the faster moving planets are just getting lined up and thinking about what they are going to do. The problem is the Sun, and as long as he's in Aries, he's going to be a detrimental angle to the Capricorn crowd. It's time for every last one of you guys to fish or cut bait, early in April.

Late April is better because the way the planets wind up being arrayed has a lot of good news for each and every Capricorn. The later the month gets to be, and the more people begin to panic, the more the King finds himself surrounded by a sea of calm. Despite the other stuff happening in the heavens, there's still some subtle energies which are lining up to make just about any Capricorn happy. Even the King. Nothing's better than a Happy Cappy.

May: 5 – 4 – 3 – 2000 is a weird time. There's something afoot in the heavens which hasn't been seen in a long time — and there's quite a bit of astrological noise being made about how this is the end of the world, or something else that might be happening. The Sun, Mercury, Venus, the Moon, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn will all be in Taurus, and that's what the general alarm is all about. In the opening days of this one [very] big month, there's a big boost to the King's Capricorn Sun because slow moving Saturn (rules Capricorn) makes a waning trine. Faster moving Jupiter catches up pretty quick like, and that's a unique 20 year cycles in and of itself. The deal is that these two larger planets are only together every once in a great while. And it's part of the overall structure to this mess in Taurus.

For the briefest, shining moment, this is a great time for any Capricorn because of all this stuff which is in a positive position for all the Earth signs (dirt signs are Cap, Virgo and Taurus). In the King's chart, most of this action occurs just a little past his Sun's natal position; however, the action does get heated up because the King's natal Venus is still at a very late degree of Cap. This is warmed up mightily by Mars, seeing as how he's the first of the planets to break formation and bolt into Gemini.

One way or another, this really shakes up the established order of things around the house. There's some greater and possibly more momentous information in the King's chart about this pile up in Taurus, too. See, in another part of the chart, rather about 90 degrees away in the heavens, there's still two heavy hitters in Aquarius, Uranus and Neptune. And sooner or later, all that stuff passing through Taurus will make an exact square to one, or both, of those guys in Aquarius. In the King's chart, it's always important to look at his Saturn because he is a Capricorn. His natal Saturn is sitting at 25 degrees of Aquarius. While Uranus doesn't really get too close to this, the Saturn/Jupiter conjunction does, as the month goes by. When there's a Saturn Square Natal Saturn, it usually is a difficult time yet in this situation, with lucky Jupiter factored in, it's bound to be interesting and possibly as little more hopeful feeling than usual.

To make the most of this, if the King was to emerge from hiding, then the time to do it would have been started during March, but he would have had Mercury Retrograde type of setback, then — all of a sudden — this stuff hits in Taurus, and he's good to go. Will he actually do it? I suspect he's happy where he is, and it's much easier for him to rely on the auspices of the Elvis Enterprise Machine to keep the wheels greased and turning. But this month does indicate that there is a big change cooking. The last time there was such a big charge in his chart, a real–life tabloid story came forward as a woman pretending to be his real daughter emerged from hiding in a Scandinavian country. So far, nothing's really turned out, but that's the sort of sensational story that this kind of planet action can cause.

All of the Fixed signs are going to be boiling and roiling with incredible forces this month. Just about every planet that is useful to FGS astrology is in a fixed sign with the exception of Pluto who is happily frying his way through Sagittarius. This is strongly indicative of change, and it's like someone is rattling the foundations. There are some parts of everyone's life which could use a closer scrutiny right now, and there are pieces of the puzzle which have been missing, and these parts are now right there, on the table. It's up to all of us to begin to pull it together. As Mars whips past this mess, he's the first one who signals what the message is. Usually, in planetary stack up similar to this (yes, it's happened before), Mercury is the first one to go squirting out of the gate. With Mars slamming into Gemini, this is like the difference between a cowboy coming out of the chute for a barrel race (Mercury) or a bull rider hoping to last 8 seconds on a monster (all them planets in Taurus) called "Widow Maker" (Mars). Stretching it from a Capricorn point of view, this is good. But ain't none of us going to be the same when this month is over. That bull named "Widow Maker" earned his reputation the hard way, and the planets want to make sure they are pretty effective in communicating their message.

June: This month highlights an opposite part of the King's chart, and it's an area that has been long neglected for the year thus far — it's the seventh house, the place in the astrology kitchen where relationship are cooked up. With a 12 degree Ascendant, he's also got the same for a descendant, and June 1 finds the Sun sitting at 11 degrees of Gemini, right below the line. So there was a pile up in the preceding sign last month, and then a lot of planets came screaming into Gemini demanding that a voice be heard. Earlier in the year, he had a voice that sounded like he had inhaled a lung full of helium. While that's an amusing image to some, a decent Capricorn (and there is no indecent Capricorn that I know) won't go for the squeaky voice for very long.

The silky smooth delivery is back, and this month is all about love songs. Of course, some folks think that love songs are nothing more than "Heartbreak Hotel" but that's not it — not this month. While the Taurus tiff tore things up, this is a month of relative ease and degree of security. It's as if some one has indicated where there's a hole, and this month, a gentle love song fills that space. And voice, the beautiful voice is here to sing that love song. In order to capitalize on this, fire up your recorded music. Last month was "Jailhouse Rock."

This month, especially in the early part of the month, it's going to be "Love Me Tender." It's a simple transition. As the Sun moves across the line that divides his chart into two pieces, the idea is that the King gets a subtle little heavenly boost. Rather than be all consumed with personal problems, there's a chance to open up some new opportunities. There's hope, there's life, there's an exciting opportunity for a new endeavor that involves more than one person. Like the musical allusion for this month, this is a good time to get out some of the old songs which are graceful and luscious for change, redolent with rich sounds that evoke a depth of feeling.

July: There's a tedious event this month, and just like the previous month was all about sappy love songs where everyone was happy, this month has a different emphasis. It's a difficult period for just about any Capricorn, and the date varies, but it's what is often referred to as a "half-birthday." It's that time when the Sun is at its point opposite where the natal Sun is located. For the King's chart, this is July 8-10. What happens at this time is a chance to make some strategic decisions. Everyone gets a half birthday, except me, and it's during this time that some sort of thoughtful consideration is important. It's time to figure out what is working, and for that matter, what ain't working, too.

There's good stuff going on, and the eclipse pattern is going to exacerbate the cerebral stimulation during this time. Eclipses occur on July 1 (partial solar), July 16 (total lunar), and again on July 31 (partial solar). "Shake, rattle and roll." That's two for the Cancer/Capricorn axis and one for Leo. Add to this melee, the Sun being opposite his Sun, and it's a time when the emotions can easily outdo the rational brain. But the whole point of the early part of the month is fundamentally pointed towards making some decisions. Rational decisions may be hard to come by this month. It's as if there's not a lot of rational behavior allowed, on a global level. That's not going to deter the King, but it might derail a few of his subjects. His Capricorn decision process is firmly in place, and the results of this process will yield something similar to his his momentous 1970 tour, 30 years ago, at this time.

August: In 1959, there was an album released called "50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong, Elvis Gold Records Vol. II." The cover picture is the often immortalized gold lame jump suit. Just because that costume reminds me an old girlfriend's outfit is just one of those happy coincidences. But the suit, and for that matter, the album, is what this month is all about. It's a Leo month, an no one likes to party more than a Leo. Mars enters Leo at the very beginning of the month, and for our Capricorn friend, this comes with a welcome bit of relief. Just getting pesky Mars out of Cancer is step in the right direction, and it's likely to be a step that won't land on any Blue Suede Shoes, too.

As long as Mars is in Leo, there's a degree of passion which pervades the scene, and that's something that everyone can enjoy. In the King's chart, it's especially appropriate because it's in his 8th house. Mars likes this location, and seeing as how he's just exited the water sign, and even though the Leo stuff is fixed, it's still a fire and that makes for a warm reception. In the Northern Hemisphere of Planet Earth, it's the dog days of summer.

With the King's chart poised like it is, and with nothing at early points in other fixed signs, this makes for some good times. In fact, there should be a lot of good times, all the way around. There's a special note about a special day which is observed at this time, but since the King lives on, the obvious "Candle Light Vigil" time in August is often best left alone. Consider it a chance to party and celebrate, and after all, what Leo can ever pass up a fun party? Or what Capricorn can escape the fact that it's time for life to be getting better in the astrological year? By the end of August, there will be a general feeling that Elvis has risen.

September: The big events in September begin with the sign of Virgo. The Sun is in this location for most of this month, and then, late in the month, Mars slides on into Virgo. Mars is getting closer and closer to the top of the King's chart, and that's always a good sign. Right now, it's time to put some thought to using some of the stuff which got shaken up by big Taurus alignment, "Lo, these many months ago," [which should be said in the best Southern Preacher voice].

Saturn spends the whole month just sitting at the front door of Gemini, too, almost stationary at zero degrees of Gemini. As such, this is going to form an imperfect square to the King's natal Moon. This could be a source of consternation, and it could imply that there is some sort of family trouble coming up, perhaps a rift in the leqdership of the Enterprises right now. That could create a degree of difficulty, and what with the Sun in a compatible Earth sign, it would be a good time to see messages flying back and forth to help deal with this problem.

Once again, it's probably the females in the King's life, after all, what good is it to have a King if there isn't also a Queen to help handle the administrative problems (some would suggest, like the game of chess, the Queen is actually the more powerful player). This rift, this problem in paradise, though, gets an ample boost from the planets. The Sun is helping out, and so is Mr. Mars. There is a business problem looming on the horizon, and this is the month to work on theoretical answers to questions which haven't been formally asked at this time. It's a time when the King needs to ask himself some pretty serious "what if" questions, and work through these scenarios — all possibilities, with himself and his advisors.

October: It's not like I've been ignoring some things in the chart, but there's so much happening, it takes a while to ascertain what is the most important element for a particular month. The beginning of the month has the Sun in Libra, and it connects for a few days with Mars. This is a period of time when tension runs a little higher than normal. It's not like there's no hope, but the King's continued study of Martial Arts is a big benefit at this time because there's an excess of energy and this requires an active outlet. Nothing is better than stepping through a long and arduous work out to make the brain a little more clear. It's also a great way to release some pent up frustrations.

As the month continues forward, not long after the Sun and Mars alignment in the King's chart, there's the ever present Sun in Libra itself which is not always warmly greeted by any Capricorn. When the Sun is in a sign that forms a 90 degree angle to a body's sign, there's always a little bit of tension left over. Finally, around the middle of the month, Mercury is going retrograde. Again. The usual warnings apply. This Mercury Retrograde occurs in the King's 11th House, and as such, he's troubled by his personal appearance on a global level. Just how is he perceived in the media? The regretful event with the planets means that his some of his last Las Vegas pictures are more popular than anything else right now. That will never do.

One of the most accurate computer simulations I've seen of the King is a young Elvis in the Las Vegas garb. That's the way he wants to be remembered, and given the planetary array right now, that's exactly the way we don't remember him this month. Mars is moving at a decent clip right now, but never gets out of the sign of Virgo all month long. Mars does cross the highest point in the chart, though, and this is a turning point, of sorts, for business. This is a month that, one way or another, seems dominated by martial (Mars) energy.

November: This is a penultimate month for this year, especially in the King's chart. The roots of the word, "penultimate" suggest that this is the next to the best, the best, of course, is the last one. In that respect, Venus starts out this month firmly in the First House. That's supposed to be good.

Then, there's the omnipresent Pluto makes his final contact point with the King's Ascendant, too. Mercury corrects herself, and Mars heats things up in Libra, too (the King's natal Mars is in Libra). So there's a flurry of activity. Not all of this activity is good, though, and Mars can bring about crowds of people who look (and behave) like critics. One of the problems associated with this planet, and the one crossing the Ascendant as well, is that the critics all seem to multiply. So even though Venus spends a while in the first house, there's still a problem with "feeling" like he's under attack.

The last month or so has had a tenacious Mars theme running though it. When Mars is active in a chart, a degree of plain old physical exercise is required in order to effectively deal with the Mars influence. Doesn't matter much what one does, as long as the person with the Mars in his chart gets active. Failure to be active can bring about all kinds of unwanted consequences. And then there's the theme for the year with Pluto playing at revealing — perhaps he's revealing something that most of us don't want to know. That would be a big deal right now. That's why this is a the penultimate month for this year — instead the ultimate month — because there's a lot of action, but with all that smoke, there doesn't turn out to be much fire.

Around FGS World Headquarters, along the shores of the Colorado River, in Austin, Texas, we have a term for this: "Shake, rattle and troll." This month is evocative, for the King, of one of his movies, "Stay Away, Joe" (1968).

December: By the time the Big Day rolls around, things are looking good. Venus makes a fast pass through the remainder of Capricorn, and that's the sort of planetary influence that is detrimental to credit cards, but good for the folks who receive the gifts. Of course, I'll never know what to do with one more black velvet painting, but that's not your problem, or, for that matter, the King's. Before the month is less than a week old, the Sun passes his Ascendant. This is a good thing. In astrology terms, this is probably more momentous than the real birthday. This is an astrological birthday of sorts. That makes it a good time, period.

There's also going to be a little eclipse on Dec 25th, sort of a prelude to the coming year, and it's a good one, a partial solar eclipse that suggests there are good things in store in the land of Capricorn. Unlike some of the previous events of the year, this eclipse serves as a chance for getting ready to start the year off in a good way. Of course, the new year isn't really here yet, but this Xmas Eclipse is going to get us all started looking ahead. And after all, a week isn't too long of time to begin preparing for the future. Pluto is a getting further and further away from the his Ascendant, and this also brings a welcome bit of relief. That Venus influence, is also a gentle one, a positive one which evokes a general feeling of well being, especially around the trailer house. There's going to be much Grace in Graceland this season.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to persons, living, dead, or Capricorn, is purely coincidental.

(c) copyright 1999, 2000 Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net