Fishing Guide the Stars

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Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of 5/2-8/2002

"To mourn a mischief that is past and gone
Is the next way to draw new mischief on."
Shakespeare's Othello [I.iii.201]

Wile my day-to-day meandering discourse tends to be a little less focused, much effort has gone into insuring only the highest quality of scopes are available. Saturn is working his way towards the middle of Gemini, and a host of other planets are still visible in the early evening sky; however, Mr. Mercury is fast becoming a morning luminary. Know what that means? Get ready. It isn't this week, but he is slowing down.

Aries: I was pretending to work, while spending an inordinate amount of time gazing out the trailer's window, watching a couple of small birds feed at the bird feeder I've got hung up on a tree. In my profession, I can claim that this is productive time, well-spent. I'm not normal, though. I might be able to justify such actions. After all, I am the boss around here, mostly. I sign the checks, I make the calls, I clean the toilet. I do what I'm told. I've got more than one Aries staff person, though, and this one girl on the staff thinks it's her job to tell me what to do. She's trying to manage the boss, as it were. Won't work. Especially now. Aries have an ability to talk a lot, and say not much of anything. What's this mean? If you try to manage my actions too much, you might just find yourself managing a pink slip. No need to do that, either. The trick is to figure out how to say what you need to say as quickly -- and concisely -- as possible. Get it over quick like. Say what you need to say, but make it fast. Short. Simple. Then, if the boss, like me, doesn't want your help, then don't worry about it. You can always come back later and say, "I already told you that."

Taurus: I was opening a package of new fixtures for the trailer, a new faucet and some other stuff, and I pulled out my trusty pocketknife to slice open one of the packages, and while I was cutting the plastic, that sharp little blade just kept on cutting, and I put a nasty gash in my own palm. It was one of those wounds that didn't hurt much, but just gushes blood, deep, red, wait, this was my blood. I finally stopped trying to do home trailer repair, and got around to trying to stop the flow of blood. I think I ran through half a roll of paper towels, all covered with red, red blood. Now, when you want to get around to fixing something that's broke, when you want to open up a new package, be a little extra careful with the wrench, the hammer, or, in my case, just the trusty (and razor sharp) pocketknife. It seems like such a bland piece of advice, but you can get all excited, or watching something on TV or listening to the radio while humming the tune, and lose your concentration. Don't do it. One thing at a time. Be a little more careful. You seem to a be a little more accident prone during this birthday time.

Gemini: The word "decimate" has strong meaning. And with Saturn, the word "decimate" as in "decimate your opposition" is good. There's a problem, though, and ask yourself, "Self, just how much do I know about this word to begin with?" If you look at the root of the word, it's one of those pesky, Latin Language things, and the word stars out with "dec." Like the number ten (in Latin). I can say it in pretty good French, passable Spanish, or I can stick to my native tongue, and just suggest you go look this one up yourself. Decimate, before the sports news team talking heads guys all got ahold of the word, it used to mean, "reduce by one tenth." To my mind, it still does mean that, but I'm being a little old fashioned here. With the way the planets are right now, and especially Saturn, you can decimate your opposition. The question is, which definition are you going to use? Talking heads, media speak version? Or my old-fashioned one, the real root of the word?

Cancer: Ever heard the expression, "Good things come to those who wait"? Waiting and patience is important. When I'm fishing or hunting, patience is extremely useful. Imagine sitting in a duck blind, or deer blind or even a sitting in a boat on sunny spring day, waiting on something to happen. Nothing that I can do will make anything happen any faster. The time ticks by slowly. One small trick I've got is to remove my wristwatch when I'm fishing. Now, I seriously doubt that the subtle noise made by my mechanical watch really can transfer to the fishing pole I'm gripping, and I have to doubt that the beat of the clock can be transferred via my wrist through the pole, on down to the fishing line and then to the lure at the end. But luck is funny, and one of my little superstitions is to remove my watch. Instead of sitting there, worrying about the time, take your watch off. Works wonders for me, and you don't have that ever-present "tick tock tick" noise hammering in your ears. It also makes it lot easier to be patient. Remember the cliché about waiting, and then try your luck. If your luck doesn't seem to work, you're welcome to borrow my lucky trick and take your watch off.

Leo: Communication is important. Here at the office, my mascot, erstwhile boss, and office manager is a feline companion. But apparently, I don't speak "cat" very well, as she is fond of letting me know. I just don't apparently understand. One late night, we were having a deep conversation, and I started to understand the cat a little better. Might have been the aroma of catnip in the air, but who knows how it happened? The details are a little foggy. Cat says, "Me Now, not meow." Like a sudden flash of light, I arrived at a great epiphany. "Me, NOW." The next day, with a headache banging around inside my head like a rock rolling around in an empty barrel, I looked at my notes. "Me, now? What does this mean?" The cat, opened one eye, looked at me, rolled over and went back to sleep. "Me, now," is the proper way to treat a Leo. You know that. I know that. The cat knows that. Not everyone is so self-aware. This is a problem. So I still think that you are the number one, along with the cat. But if you run into people who just don't get it, then you can either feed them some herbal remedy (catnip), and hope that they arrive at the same conclusion, or you can just know, that some of us do understand. You're probably going to meet a lot or folks this week, especially this weekend, who just don't get the Leo-feline connection. Avoid them, if possible. And carry a little extra catnip.

Virgo: The first answer is, "No." The second answer is, "No." The third answer, "Possibly yes," comes a little later. The deal is this: you've got one luminary in a good place, and bunch of lesser planets in a place where they are all stirring up trouble. Not big trouble, just little trouble over which you have no control. I've always maintained that if you're not having fun, it ain't worth doing in the first place. Maybe this is good advice, but it does run opposite what most Virgo types like to hear. But if you're not having any fun, then maybe you could seek out something that was a lot more fun. The Fishing Guide to the Stars slot is already occupied by me, but that shouldn't stop you from looking for something that does look like fun. Better yet, you have the right to refuse offers that don't look like any fun at all. Take stock of where you're at. See what looks like it would be a lot more fun. It might not be fun at first, and even the second try might not work out, but the third time around? That looks a lot more hopeful. Hey, I didn't get this right on the first try, either. Never hurts to keep trying.

Libra: Pa Wetzel, my father, is Libra. Through and through. As the designated "family geek," I've been roped into providing my aging father with computer support services from time to time. This is the man who originally taught me how to fish. Now, I get stuck trying to explain an error code to him, or why a universal piece of equipment that you're just supposed to plug in, doesn't quite work like it was advertised. As much as I would like to get out of the task of being the designated "alpha geek" in the family, it is a title that has fallen on my shoulders. It's a tough road, but I have to handle it. From time to time, I have to back up and remember how he taught me to fish, it was a process of slowly showing the tricks, and letting me see what needed to be learned, one step at a time, Same applies to Libra right now. Slow down. You're full of energy, trying to cram a lot of knowledge into a short period of time, and like trying to teach a 7 year old how to fish, it's not an easy task. Slow it all down. The rest of us are having trouble keeping up with your lightening fast work at this point. The stuff you've got to teach -- and learn -- it takes doing it one logical step at a time, not too hurried, either.

Scorpio: I watched as a "sassy sweet young thing" sashayed past me. At six feet tall, in my socks, without a hat, I'm not exactly tall, but then, I'm not short, either. [I have one client who towers over me at almost 7 feet tall. He is allowed to call me "Shorty."] This young lady in question was rather diminutive in actual stature, but quite tall in the way she walked. Noticeable, even. Short shorts (it's spring time, and most definitely shorts weather), a cut off T-shirt that didn't hide much, a smart little navel ring adding just the right touch, that sort of accent only the most correct of accessories can add, and then, to top it all off, she had on the most outlandish pair of sunglasses. Vivid colors, dark lenses, wing shaped eyepieces, you get the picture? She didn't say a thing -- she didn't need to. What she was wearing, how she was wearing, and best of all, those glasses, sort of said it all. Now, you can get all tweaked about something right now, you can let some person really get your riled up, or you can follow the fashion faux pas of this one young lass (yes, I asked, she was Scorpio): say what you need to say by what you wear. No need to engage in idle chatter. No need to endlessly repeat statements when no one seems to be paying attention. Put on a pair of drastic sunglasses, the cheaper the better, and march right on your on way. Sometimes, it never hurts to go against the flow. Make a statement, but do so without uttering a word.

Sagittarius: I was doing some advanced research for this week's astrology, Sagittarius specific, and the answer I got was simple: "I don't want to change anything, but my zip code." Not much in the data to go with that. I'd also like to suggest, though, that merely changing one's zip code doesn't really go very far in solving problems. The problems seem to follow us, no matter where we go. That's the core of the problem, that these troubles follow us, no matter where we are. But none of this makes you feel anymore at ease. Stop what you're doing and think about it. Changing your zip code, moving to another location, unless you're one of the lucky few who really does live in a mobile dwelling unit, unless you're really lucky like that, just moving doesn't get you very far. The troubles are still there, and if you're like me, just changing the location doesn't change the nature of the problems. Besides, after looking at the chart for this week, it's not really that big of a problem, it's more like a whole host of little problem guys. Try breaking down the big problems into manageable, smaller problems. Try fixing just one little thing at a time. Just changing zip codes doesn't really work. Nice try, though.

Capricorn: For the longest time, I used to say, "I don't know anyone who ever won the lottery." Then, a person I had a passing acquaintance with did win, won big, in fact. Then, a few years later, I won. I didn't win big, it was only four out of six numbers, only got me about a hundred bucks, but it was something. Maybe not that great, but for a dollar lottery ticket, it wasn't a bad return on investment. Now, the same astrological pattern is up for you: I'm not promising a big win, but you know, an extra hundred bucks, in your pocket right now, that's not such a bad thing. Make sure you understand what I'm saying here, I'm not advocating gambling, games of chances which are surely rigged in favor of the house, or any other type of activity, legal or otherwise. Got that? However, I wouldn't be surprised to find one of those little lucky breaks coming your way. Not a big lucky break, more like you sit down with a cup of coffee, look up your numbers in the paper as an afterthought, and suddenly, there you go, four out of five. It's not enough to quit your day job, but for an afternoon of fun, you'll be doing just fine. I always remind folks to cut their astrology fishing buddy in for 1%, in case it is big. If it's only that little amount, you can still send me a dollar.

Aquarius: I've got this one Aquarius dance partner. To be honest, neither one of can dance worth a darn, but we do have fun trying. On more than one occasion, she's dragged me out to do some boot scooting, and I've more than happily complied, only, she's got on the strangest clothes ever seen in a Country and Western dance hall. For all the world, she looks like a "hippie chick," and if she didn't have certain presumable assets, [and she's tough as old leather in barroom brawl, but don't ask how I found out] then this would spell out certain doom. Now, she can dance, after a fashion, and so can I, after a fashion. What this means is we're an odd couple in an odd place, doing an odd version of the Texas Two-Step. Here's the important part: we are having fun. Doesn't much matter that we don't seem to dance, or dress, like a lot of the people there. The fact that in her other life, she's a music promoter and film commission coordinator doesn't hurt. The guys in the band know her. In fact, they're glad to see her there. So what if it riles up an occasional patron? Our little cloud of patchouli haze helps spread degree of mirth, and that's what your weekend, and the resulting week is all about. Have some fun. So what if you don't fit in?

Pisces: Remember a particular song about the "Coconut Telegraph"? It's one of those light, airy, pop ballads with a friendly warning about being careful about what you say and do, as you might find your actions covered in the news. Now, as a guy, I can assure that there is nothing better then having a good, little screaming hissy fit. Nothing is better than getting all worked up, gets the blood moving around, I get to wave my arms around, rant and rave, all of that is supposedly good for the circulation, under the right circumstances. But right now might not be the best of circumstances. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to irritable. What's key right now, though, is how you express that irritation. Yelling is out. Mild disdain, which can be confused with cynicism, that is good. It never hurts to express yourself in such a way as to let others be a little misguided about what you're really feeling. What happens is that you get irritable, express it, and then whatever you do, that winds up in the press. Or on the "Coconut Telegraph."