4/3-9/2003

Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of: 4/3-9/2003

"Where the greater malady is fixed,
The less scarce is felt."
Shakespeare's King Lear [III.ii.77]

Mars is in Capricorn; Venus is in Pisces. Want a personal take on your own chart and what the planets portend for the future? Big event in Austin last weekend.

Aries: There are two useful methods to get one's attention. The first is a polite and gentle "ahem" comment or a cough, a subtle pause intended to draw the speaker's attention to a fact. In print, this can be a well-timed space, maybe an extra comma or even a "!" an exclamation point. Some media designers use underline, bold or set the comment off "in parenthetical quote marks." These are the less dramatic ways to get someone's attention.

Then, there is always the tried and true method often employed around here, a strong vocal statement in a decibel range that is bound to attract attention. "You. HEY YOU!" Get the idea? Two methods, one is soft and sweet, the other is loud and often times, quite irritating. My friend Bubba has a third method, it involves a "Louisville Slugger," but I don't advocate this method myself. Personally, I think he keeps that around as a threat more than as an actual method of communication. Mars and the Sun square off at each other [lucky Aries, huh?] and during this stand-off, you're going to try to get someone's attention. Let me suggest that you try the first method in all its iterations first. Only when that fails should you try anything else. For the record, I strongly do not recommend Bubba's third, "trailer park" version.

Taurus: It's funny to me, not ironic, just amusing how I see all this good stuff, and your Taurus self doesn't see it that way. In a recent exchange of mail with a Taurus, it was suggested that my "Bubba Baseball Royal Shakespeare" hat was adjusted a little too tight because I was obviously missing the point. But the point is, don't take something that's not broken, and break it, just for the sake of stirring up some trouble. Trouble's a sure bet, and if you look for it, that trouble will find you. What I'm suggesting is that you don't look for problems this next few days.

I'm sure, like anybody else down here on the earth, you will encounter a few people who think you're wearing your hat a little too tight. Doesn't mean that you really are, and it doesn't mean that you have to buy into their problems. There's a certain amount of charm that you exude and the careful Taurus uses this charm with a modicum of discretion. There's something rather unusual cooking up in various quadrants [looks more slices of pizza instead of quadrants, but that editor kept changing the words] of the Taurus Heavens. It's okay to be a little weird; just remember that you add class to what you do.

Gemini: So my good Gemini buddy was having a tough time of it. "I'm doomed right? I mean, I that one girl, she was interested for a little while, but she's not answering my e-mail, and then that other one, she's out of town, and that third girl? She won't return her calls to me. I must be doomed, right? I'll be single the rest of my life, I just know it." If you take the situation apart, though, if you really look at it, the obvious becomes apparent, this guy was trying to date at least three women at one time. From my own, youthful indiscretions, all I can advise is that this is not a good idea.

I'm not one for male bashing, but if one guy can't even keep one woman happy, how can someone expect to keep three entertained? That's quite the juggling act. The deal is, with all your Gemini skills, no matter how good your interpersonal skill set is, you just can't keep everyone happy, not now. You can please some of the people some of the time, all the people none of the time, and something else goes here. It's not an incomplete thought, it's just not fully flushed out. That's the problem. Nothing is worse than being on of those three people being juggled, either. That's a problem. Saturn expects work, and Saturn will also drain away some of your usual ability to juggle situations. Slow it down, and take these items [and people] one at a time.

Cancer: There's this great bit of advice from the collected astrology books I use for reference, some sort of line about, "It's a great time for some selfless work." Sure. Do something nice for someone else. But you're Cancer. You do that, anyway. So I wonder about that suggestion. Too often, too, the good intentions go horribly awry. You complain, "But I was just trying to be nice, you know...."

Yes, I know. And I'll even agree. But that's the problem, as well, you have to make sure, when you're trying to be nice, it some how blows up. I'm with you on this. I bought a handful of new lures, as a gift, for one of my fishing buddies. I was motivated to purchase stuff strictly based on color. Bright greens, lovely yellow hues, the lures were shot through with verdant striping, odd shaped dots, and tipped with treacherous hooks [like any good fishing lure should be]. The problem? The lake we fish on most frequently? Those lovely lures don't do anything there. Apparently the fish don't like that particular color scheme. On my part, on the part of Cancer's everywhere, it was a rather nice gesture. On the part of the receiving end, though, my fishing buddy, he just looked at me, "What?" I'm sure there was some subtext, like a cartoon character thinking, "What the heck? These are near useless." Try and be nice, but you might want to hold off on actually buying something for your fishing buddy. Your intentions are good. Your tastes, like mine, might be highly suspect.

Leo: I've enjoyed good luck and less than wonderful luck and occasionally, I've lost almost everything. One time was memorable because the only thing I didn't lose was my shirt. In fact, I always kept a "reserve" credit card, one without much of a limit, no charges, just in case I needed it. I did charge a T-shirt, a special "I lost everything but this shirt" souvenir to remind me about my mistakes. Why are my losses your benefit? You're luck is changing. No, really, it's changing. From that sense that you know everything is supposed to be good to that feeling that you know everything is starting to work to having events conspire to actually work out--here's the kicker: in your Leo favor. Yes.

One word, an affirmative, yes. I couldn't be so wonderfully positive about how life is in Leo land, and I couldn't cite my own mistakes in those dens of sin without there being a catch: timing. Close may work in some government functions, state agencies, and when using a shotgun, but close is all we're getting for the next couple of days. However, I want you to know in your Leo heart that, yes, it is about to change all for the better.

Virgo: Ever have a brush with fame? It's happened so many times to me, I don't worry about it anymore, I start out with my usual comment, "So what's your birthday?" I also try to keep the fawning, servile, sycophant behavior, on my part, to a minimum. Stars, like rock stars, movie stars, other media personalities, they must get this all the time. Be nice. Be sincere. Don't overdo it, either. Why worry about this? I'm pretty sure you've got just such a "brush with fame" coming up. These events never occur at a good time. Your hair will be all out of place, you'll just be getting in from a workout, and you'll have that thin sheen of Virgo perspiration on your upper lip, just when you feel like you look your worst.

Deal with it. I figure that a hot and sweaty Virgo is, in reality, a lot more attractive than one who's all cleaned up. There's that special, somewhat earthy essence to a Virgo. Use that, especially since this big deal occurs when you least expect it, and when you feel like you're rather under-prepared. Remember: when you're "just yourself," you appear to me a lot more real, and after all, them big stars, they like real people. My worst example of a brush with fame was a certain rock group, and I didn't realize that the whole band was comprised of guys who are all so short, "But I always thought you guys were, like, GIANTS." [They are.]

Libra: I think it was last month, but we'd gone fishing, and the sky was overcast. Low clouds kept scudding up from the south, bearing portents of rain. More like mist than rain. When we finally packed it in for the day, there was the slightest little drizzle, not really rain, just heavy dewdrops forming in the air around us. "Don't bother with a rain suit," I admonished, "we're only about 30 seconds from the dock." That's more like about two minutes at three-quarters throttle, or 50 knots [per hour]. Those raindrops at 60 miles an hour are lot different. This isn't like a spring shower, this is like "super shooter" water gun in the face at very close range. The "gentle spring rain" stings, pelting us with hard droplets.

It's almost like a face-full of pea gravel, only, it was like being sand blasted. "30 seconds, huh?" my fishing friend asked, "sure." By the time the boat was on the trailer, the rain stopped, and it was steamy again. We were dried off before ever pulled out onto the highway. Point is, there's some discomfort, but ask yourself, "Self, is it really that bad?" You might be able to tough it for 30 seconds [now 3 minutes], and you'll probably be dry thanks to the Mars/Sun roasting [Mars is in Capricorn, the Sun is in Aries, and you're the focal point for their attentions].

Scorpio: I like combining elements that don't fit well together. Take something as simple [and complex] as Bass Fishing in Texas. Then consider some of the lesser-read Shakespeare texts. See? Two items in a list that don't belong together, yet, I can combine them with a modicum of success. Other times, though, there are things that don't go together, and should never be mixed. There's a couple of "authentic Irish pubs" here in town. You know the places, the look and feel of Ireland, in your own neighborhood? I met Bubba at one of them the other night.

He was drinking Irish liquor that was "old enough to drive my car." After a little while, I was getting hungry, and I suggested Mexican food, another local flavor favorite. The effect on Bubba wasn't good. Apparently, there are some things in life that should never be mixed.

According to Bubba's Irish-Texas heritage, European liquor and Mexican food is an "Evil combination." Might have been the mood he was in, and I certainly didn't see the problem, but when a feller's had a fair amount of Irish whiskey, I've found it's best not to argue. So there was no late night run for Tex-Mex. Some things work well in juxtaposition to others. Some items, though, don't work well together. When you face up with two items that don't want to get along together, follow my lead: don't argue. Arguing with someone full of antique Irish whiskey goes beyond the usual category of "stupid things to do."

Sagittarius: It's sometimes painful to admit to certain mistakes, but the good fishing days are upon us with a vengeance, and I'm pressed for time. Really short tale about tail, a fish tail, to be precise. We were just sort of hanging out, not really catching much because the fish were certainly not interested in us or our lures, when we spied a couple of fish, lurking in the shade of the bank. We tossed lures, plastic things that looked like salamanders, frogs, crawdads, and everything else in front of those fish [it's called "sight fishing" when you can see them]. I finally tried my old faithful, a small "spook," and that one worked.

As I was about to reach down and haul my catch up by the jaw, for the requisite picture, my fishing partner made a hilarious comment. The edge of the boat is slippery, the fish is still wiggling on the end of the line, I'm trying to grab the camera, the still-moving fish, and get all of this done at once, and I fell to one knee, almost went over the edge of the boat. Fish got away. Pole fell in the water. I feel on my backside, convulsed with laughter. Hey, look on the bright side, I didn't go swimming, and we were in a shallow creek bed so I could reach in and get the pole. Maybe you don't see the humor here, but I had to be grateful for little things. Look, nothing is going quite right. It's not quite wrong, either. That means you don't have to get upset about a little slip like that. We all make mistakes. At least I'm enough of a Sagittarius to look at it with good humor. Try it, you'll find it's amusing.

Capricorn: It was a Gulf Coast trip, not long ago. The price for a motel room with a certain chain--mind you, not the kind of place either I or a Capricorn would ever stay at--was advertised in big letters. North Austin? $42.95/night. South Austin? $40.95/night. Although there is a shorter route, at times, just sticking to the Interstate is easier, so to continue with the trip, by the time we passed through San Marcos, $39.95/night, and San Antonio, $38.95/night, we could see that the further south we got, the less expensive the cheap motels were. No consistency in prices, other than lower and lower. By the time we got to the outskirts of the Bay, the motel in the refinery area was a low, low $29.95/nite. Notice the spelling. [Notice, too, the distinctive aroma of the refinery.]

Don't stop at the first place, and don't take the first deal that comes along. I think you'd be paying too much, and if you're willing to go a little extra distance, given Mars in your sign and all, I think you can find a great deal, if you just look far enough away.

Aquarius: Delicious stuff: Pecan, Jalapeno, Pesto. I'm not sure the order that the ingredients and the name of the concoction is supposed to go in, but it was--as far as I knew--an Italian dish, only, it was made from very Texas ingredients. The peppers, the pecans, all of that is more native for me than, I suspect, in the land of Caesars. But it's good, and you'll have to trust me on that, if you can't find it in a local store. It's weird combinations like that, which are important, when looking over your next couple of days. As one of my Aquarius friends is fond of saying, "Who'd a-thunk it?"

Still, consider something very traditional, and then consider a localized version, something to suit your own, somewhat strange set of Aquarius sensibilities. Indulge some flights of fancy, maybe whip something up in your Aquarius kitchen that's similar to my little indulgence. You deserve a break, and there's no reason why you can't have something that's both traditional and non-traditional at the same time.

Pisces: Stop. Right now, just stop. Halt all forward, backward, sideways motions. Just halt for a minute, all right? No, I'm not saying you should just drop everything, but I want to your stop and consider a few items. Action is good. But you're going to find that it really, really helps if you plan what action you're going to take. Instead of just doing something for the sake of doing something, consider the output, and the amount of energy required to get from here to there.

Look: I've got this one Pisces friend, and she was in a mood like this, so she painted her bedroom. It was a terrible color. It reminded me of the results of drinking too much tequila, then being forced to leave the content of your stomach--and everything you ate--in the porcelain bowl. Yes, the color was that bad. I can still recall what she was doing, at the time she picked the color, "The paint chip looked so good, and when I held it up against the wall, it seemed like it would be so soothing and inviting." Sure. Looks good on paper, or, in this case as a paint sample next to the blank wall. But when you put this idea into action, when you cover the whole wall, in fact, every wall in the room, with this stuff, it takes on a different attitude.