To: Astro list, Geekgirl & etc.
Subject: Why Two Kay April News
From: Shady Acres Trailer Park

"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
Touchstone in Shakespeare's As You Like It [V.i.31

Astrology Overview: This month has a doubling effect because the only guy who is really firmly in apparent retrograde motion is Pluto. Venus makes tracks hauling herself through Aries this month, and by my calculations, she actually enters Taurus, around the very end of the month (closing minutes, photo finish). So the doubling effect is that we start out with three objects in Taurus at the beginning of the month and we get six in Taurus at the very tail end of the month. Saturn is also approaching a point where he does a tight little square dance with Uranus, and that's going to make for some interesting calls on the dance floor of life. At the beginning of the month a lot of planets are visible, right after sunset. Early in the month is the best time to see this, over yonder in the western sky.

Aries: This month doesn't kick off very well, but it sure does pick up speed in a hurry. There's a great example with Texas weather, for the longest time, the days are warm but not hot, the nights are cool, and one begins to get lulled into a place where it just feels like this is a very earthly paradise. Then, one day, the wind stops blowing, the clouds are no where to be seen, and it's just plain hot. The thermometer dances up close to a 100 degrees, and the wind which was so refreshing with its moisture just leaves a sodden, humid quality to it all. It's like a summer day in Houston. Or Dallas. It's not pretty. It's not nice. It's just plain hot and humid. At least it's a wet heat. It goes from paradise to something that closely approximates a sauna, almost over night. "Thank your lucky stars," I should say. This is due to Venus creeping into your sign. To be honest, she's making good time and hardly spends three weeks with you. But she does impart that sort of lazy attitude this month, that feeling that all you want to do is sit on the porch, in the shade, and watch the ice tea glass sweat. What's going to work this month is to make sure that you've got plenty of caffeine based ice, maybe throw a little honey in it too, and garnish it with a spring of mint which is growing on the patio. It tastes good, the sweetness rolls off you tongue, and the mint adds both color and flavor. You're going to need to make sure that Venus doesn't dehydrate you this month.

Taurus: By the official time of "Taurus" gets here, you've got a boatload of heaven sent influences just rollicking through your sign. It's like living in a student ghetto -- student barrio in Texas -- and it's like your neighbors are having a party. Folks are hanging off the balconies, there is much yelling a and screaming, and sometimes you hear a dull thud as a body slams into the the wall. It's all in good fun, and that's what's so important that you remember this month. All in good fun. Got that? Sure. It's easy to remember what it was like when you were wild and crazy, and now you've got the same thing happening in your life, only it's now next door, and.... and you get the idea, right? There's a party next door, and even though you think you should call the police, it would be ever so much more neighborly just to step outside, step over the couple mimicking a love scene in a movie, step over the bodies, and politely ask them to tone it down. Duck as a beer bottle comes flying out of the door. That's the trick. That's the idea. This is brought on by a number of planets in your sign, and I'll promise the planets are going to make it so you get a lot less sleep than you feel like you need this month. And there's no rest in sight. But instead of joining the party, it might be a good time to just pull a pillow over your head. Mars is causing irritations, and he's going to act as a little trigger all month long -- determined to make you lose your cool. With all the influences swimming around you right now, that's not a good idea.

Gemini: At the risk of invoking one too many cliches and having my license pulled, I'll just warn you straight up: it's always darkest before the storm. That's how the expression goes, isn't it? In practical experiences, there's an eerie calm which settles in right before the first of the rain drops fall. That's what this month is like, that quiet time, that moment when the wind stops whipping everything around, that moment when the sky is full of dark rain clouds, and it's so bleak even some of the automatic porch lights are coming on. There's been a ferocious howl, during the first part of the month, and you were trying to yell over the noise of the wind -- other peoples' voices -- and now it's dead calm. Frightening, isn't it? A Gemini stuck in a vacuum like this a scary thought to begin with. Now add some silence to that, and it gets worse. There's going to be a great, torrential downpour. The little creek will become a swollen, raging torrent. The high water mark will be reached in a hurry. Now, I wouldn't't warn you about all this without some consolation. Starting early NEXT month, there is relief. For right now, though, an umbrella, a slicker, a duster, highwater boots, and some waterproof matches would serve you best. The worst part of this preparation is that your friends are all going to see nothing but sunny skies, all month long.

Cancer: Crank up the tunes! It's time for you to host some kind of a party. I don't much care what the theme is, and I don't much care where it is, although, that Cancer patio and deck space is looking like it might just be the best place to have some fun. In fact, a little time in the Cancer Hot Tub would even be better. That's a good idea, if you know what I mean. It's warm, it's relaxing, the nights are going to be cool enough that you can enjoy the time in the tub, just you, and about 83 of your closest friends. That's the idea. Instead of worrying about all the stuff which is flying around right now, take a little time, especially early in the month, to ease yourself down in the hot tub and gaze up at the heavens. Of course, I know one Cancer in Houston who can't see the stars, but for the rest of us Cancer types, a relaxing soak in hot water is bound to ease the aching muscles. There's a little knot of tension, right there, below your neck and in the center of you back that needs some extra attention. Try to get one of the water jets to sooth that, and see if it helps. Water therapy, and not the kind my sister tried on me, is the best thing. ("Hold his head under the water until he relaxes," she said.)

Leo: If you like to play the odds, then you're going to find that most of this month is a good bet. There are few little bumps, but those come at the very end of the month. Thinking about moving? Now you see why I always recommend "premanufactured mobile dwelling units" as a superior home base lifestyle. This is month when there's lots of stuff shaking loose, and as long as everything is in turmoil, considering hooking the trailer up to the truck and motoring off to another location is always a good idea. I'll even give you a bigger hint: the move this month isn't nearly as drastic as you think. There's a Leo here in Shady Acres Trailer park, and when this happened to him, he just hitched his trailer up and moved it across the park. From one parking spot to another. Didn't really change that much. In fact, he's now got free electricity. But I wouldn't report him to anyone about that. The good lord helps them who are wiling to help themselves. The trick is to make sure that you don't get caught. And make sure that this is an amicable move. This isn't like one of those tricks I used to pull, up and move, no forwarding address, and a few bills left unpaid... nope, don't use my style, do it in fine Leo style. I'll be t this one isn't near as big as you think.

Virgo: I'm pretty unpopular with a large number of Virgo's; however, these same Virgo's tend to read my stuff whenever it comes out, if only to pick all apart. I believe that's a form of endearment in some Virgo worlds. This month really isn't too rough at all. There's an annoying characteristic that's going to make you a little lazy at work. I know that you usually charge into work, like madman on sixteen cups of coffee, but that's not the case with this month. You will spend a lot of this month casually sauntering into work, perhaps a few hours late, and not really concerned. There's a certain air about you, and when your boss, employer, supervisor or client drops a load of work on your desk, I'll bet your on the phone with a juicy bit of gossip, and you just can't be bothered by their deadline. I tend to agree with you on this issue, if they needed it yesterday, they should have brought it to you last week. While that's an obvious truism in life, and while you and I certainly understand this, I'm afraid the work environment is going to be less understanding. Try to do your Virgo best to understand the immediacy of their problems. Do like I do when this happens, "Oh no! I'm swamped! But look, I'll put it up as my number one priority." The real understanding is that I first have to get a new high score on this game, but then I'll get to it. You understand.

Libra: Fortunately, you've got the wonderful ability to take a long range look at this month. There's a little problem with big problems, though, or is that there's a big problem with little problems? And the problems come from a quick pass by the sometimes dynamic duo of Mercury and Venus. Ultimately, this is a good thing. It's just that this month gets all sort of little unexpected and minor bumps. It's like taking a left when you should have taken a right, only to find that you have to back track a little in order to get where you're going. Of course, a good Libra will realize that a degree of patience is required at this time. And that's easy for a Sagittarius astrologer to suggest, but it's sometimes difficult to put all this in action. Venus and Mercury will bring about some good changes, but I doubt that these will all be comfortable. Doesn't mean it's bad, just be careful about them fixed signs this month. And you might want to use the beneficial aspect of this Mercury and Venus influence to examine some of the far flung ideas you've had, make sure that you've got a solid foundation before embarking on some idea that "seemed really good at the time."

Scorpio: At the beginning of the month, I'll give you a hint, get a head start on this on this whole Taurus thing that's going on. Try to see this as a time when the spot light, like a Las Vegas spotlight, is going to be shining on some other part of the zodiac. That doesn't mean that the fine hand of a Scorpio doesn't play into this month's scenario, but be prepared to let some one else have the Center Ring in your own three ring circus. By doing so, you can still be the Master of Ceremonies, but for most of this month, the attention is going to be drawn towards your performers. Sit back and let the others be the center of attention. I realize that this might not sit well with your digestive tract, but work with the details, the performers can't move with out your capable stage direction, that's true, but for the moment, and this moment might last all month, you need to let the directions which you've sketched out, you need to let your instructions and commands be interpreted by the players. If all the world is a stage, then realize that Scorpio's make the best directors. And remember, a good director knows when to let the players play their parts.

Sagittarius: Some folks will write about love for this month. Some folks will spin great tales about how that long lost love finally returns to your arms. Some folks will suggest that it is a wonderful time for romance. I'm not one of those people. It is a good time for certain things in your life, but I'm disinclined to believe that romance is the way to go. The only good thing about the romance stuff is that it leads to a time when you might be inclined to look into the Romantic Period. It was over two hundred years ago. Some of that poetry, some of the stuff which emerged from then, that might be more appropriate for this time. There's a certain sense of style, an air about it all which is important. It's structured, it's epic in scope, and that's just the way you feel, too. "Structured?" you ask. Yes, my fine Sagittarius friend, there's a need for a few rules in your life right now. A few guidelines. And that's why I was suggesting the particular era from literature. You could use a little bit of guidance right now. It's like an alarm clock, and it's like getting orders from headquarters, you need to follow what the rules say, this month. I know that goes against your basic nature, but try to stay within the lines this month. It's better and you can turn out some really fine poetry while doing so.

Capricorn: Things go from bad to worse to much, much better as the month gets longer. The closer we all get to the big deal coming up, the better you're going to feel. As Venus flies through Aries, along with Mr. Mercury, you're going to get little ripples in the tide pool of life that make this whole mess of a month feel like it's all going downhill at an alarming rate. Then there's a change, a subtle shift, and suddenly those ripples look like giant swells, only, your ruling planet (that was voted to be Saturn) is lending you some serious surf fishing tackle. You move from feeling like a fool who thinks he's a wise guy, to feeling like a wise person who knows he is a fool. I'll bet the original attribution for that quote (Socrates) was a Capricorn. The trick is to employ that wonderful, albeit dry, sense of Capricorn humor to deal with the foolish intransigence of others this month. There's a difference between a wise fool, and foolish fool. Hide it behind your humor, but plan for the month turning out for the best. We will be laughing with you. Just realize that there are some signs which are not as adaptable as you are. Placate their stubborn feelings, and it's best, especially this month, if you laugh at it all.

Aquarius: As much as I was hoping that this Y2K thing would pay off in a good way, it just hasn't done what I was hoping for. The IRS didn't lose my records from last year. Nor did they forget about me, either. Seems that they have a good record of what is going on. Turns out that they didn't lose any of the important data in the big crash of Y2K. In the same way, you've got a similar gambit going, and you were hoping that something important, perhaps some fairly incriminating evidence, would all get lost in the shuffle. This is a month -- thanks to Saturn and Uranus doing their calls -- when you some how get shuffled to the top. You were betting that you would get shuffled off and ignored, regrettably, it isn't the way it's going to play out. There's a little bit of trouble back to haunt you. It's like confidently handing your driver's license to the officer, and then he steps back to the highway patrol car, just to check. In a fit of pique, you wonder, "There isn't anything I've forgotten, is there?" You might want to check some of this out ahead of time to prevent any problems this month. I always worry about that one traffic ticket in Harris County (Houston) but it hasn't showed up in over three years now.

Pisces: The month begins with a feeling like you've just awakened from a terrible dream. The problem with the astrological source of this dream is that you can't seem to put your finger on just what it was that you were dreaming. There's a certain cartoon character who always had the most evocative monsters under his bed. You're going to spend part of this month worried about those creatures which you can see, but no matter what you do and how hard you try, you can't draw us a picture of the monsters. At one point, you're going to be sure that you see them, and you're going to get that quizzical adult look from some of your friends as they roll their eyes and just shake their heads. Between you and me, I know that you're not crazy. However, the planet's are in a position where your tales of fantasms in the night aren't going to be well received. Careful about who you try to convince that you're not a few bricks shy of a full load. Part of this month, you need to spend some time explaining that, yes, your elevator does go to the top floor, it just doesn't always stop there.

© Kramer Wetzel, 1999, Y2K
http://www.astrofish.net

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