1.31.2002

Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of 1/31-2/6/2002
"Mend your speech a little,
Lest you may mar your fortunes."
Shakespeare's King Lear [I.i.96]

February 1 is the "Feast Day of St. Brigid." While, strictly speaking not astrological, it is interesting to note that St. Brigid is the Patron Saint of Fugitives. While not, strictly speaking a fugitive, the new Hank III CD is now available. And of course, neither of us are on the lam, or anything like that, but it never hurts to remember those who've protected us in the past.

Aries: No one understands -- except me, of course -- but the way you're feeling is that no one understands your point of view, your issues, what is going on in your life, or what the real problem is. The real problem, my fine, most excellent Aries friend, is that yes, no one understands. And instead of trying to make your point, since no one is very understanding right now, instead of trying to get it across to us, why not give it all a rest? Easy enough for me to suggest and rather difficult for you to put this into play. How about not putting it into play? How about keeping it to yourself? I know a wonderful place to fish, but I'm not really willing to let everyone know that I know where this one spot is. No need to tell everyone that there's a bend in the lake, and the overhanging willow trees provide the right amount of shade to attract really big fish in the summer. Besides, even though it's a great place to fish when the weather's warm, in the middle of the winter, like now (it is winter time, at least nominally, up here in the Northern hemisphere), nothing is biting. So you and I have this secret, okay? I know you're going to be okay, and I know you're right, and I believe in you. Not everyone shares my sentiments, but like that fishing spot, we'll just keep it secret and use that information a little later on when it warms up properly.

Taurus: I've got this one Taurus with a special knack for home improvement projects. As far as this one Taurus is concerned, a house is not a place where you live, it's a giant canvas that needs some work. First it's the patio, then it's the garage, and next come the closets, and finally, there's stuff to do in the garden, and about the time this one Taurus gets done at one end of her homestead, it's back to the beginning and all of this requires another trip to the home improvement superstore. Being a guy, I sort of figure that once it's done, I should just leave it unless it's falling down, and even then, I might just leave if it's not mission critical (like plumbing at my own trailer). Now, you're going to be motivated by the very same urge that affects my Taurus friend, but I'm not sure that this is the right time to jump into that project. Might want to get a list of material you think you might need for the project. Then, take that list with you to the store. While you think you might know how much lumber is per running foot, it wouldn't hurt to find out for sure. Then, make sure you've included all the stuff you think you might need. Paint, lumber, nails, screws, brackets, the little glue-like stuff that squeezes out of the tube, and so forth. Try to figure out just exactly what it'll cost before you undertake any new projects. Your first estimate, and what your fact-finding mission discovers will help a lot before you do anything.

Gemini: I've got this one Gemini buddy, going by the sobriquet of "Bubba the Gemini," and it's kind of funny to listen to him talk. "I was talking to my astrologer the other day," and then the folks all stop and look at him. "What? It's what the guy does, he's an astrologer. What? You think I could afford to talk to him? I just show him the best places to eat, that's all." So he was holding forth about how the planets have been particularly cruel to him as of late. He no sooner gets one good dose from one planet, like Jupiter when, all of sudden, Saturn does something bad to him. The problem this guy has is that he knows just enough about astrology and charts and stuff to be really dangerous. So it seems the same thing is happening to you right now. No sooner does something good happen when, all of sudden, another planet comes along and makes it all difficult again. The expression I've heard, time and again, is, "Can't win for losing." Done with the proper drawl, it's a highly effective phrase, more along the lines of, "Cain't win fer loosin'." Need sympathy? I've got some. Need empathy? You're on your own, dear Gemini. Not much longer, but right now, yes, it does feel like it's all stacked against you.

Cancer: There's a rather gradual sense of well-being that creeps into your Cancer life about now. It starts out late this week, sort of like getting over an uncomfortable spot, maybe like one of the potholes in the road near you. And if you slow down, and negotiate this rather cavernous hole with a degree of caution, then, as the weekend gets here, it starts to feel a lot better. On Thursday night, maybe Friday morning, you're not so inclined to agree with me, but long about the start of next week, as long as you're not replacing tires on your truck, you'll find that going slow last week is the key to getting off to a good start next week. Which leaves a little time in the middle to worry about. Some astrology suggests that anyone with their Sun in Cancer has a perpetual sense of worry, sort of like the worry element is hard wired into a Cancer mind. "Not so!" says me. But my best advice right now is to slow down when you approach obstacles that are unfamiliar, like potholes. Those things can be a lot deeper than you think.

Leo: Some battles are worth fighting. Some issues, some fights, some things are just worth the effort to make your piece understood. But a really good general learns when to fight, and when to run away. Some battles are not worth the effort. Some battles aren't justified in terms of what you lose in order to win. In fact, some times, making a stand is an exercise in futile actions. Think about this for a second. Is that battle you're fixing to wage, is it really a deal where you can win? And if you do win, do you really win? Or is this situation where you may be right, but then you're all alone? You can see where this one is heading, I hope. Sometimes, it's better to run away and be able to fight at a latter time. Not right now. So even though you feel like you've been pushed into the corner, there's no reason to fight this one out. If you look around that corner you've been pushed into, you'll find that there is a wall you can climb up, and while it's not the easiest answer, it does keep you from fighting from a losing position. Some confrontations just don't go the way you think they should; therefore, it isn't worth the effort to do battle right now. Don't fight me on this one. Trust me.

Virgo: I had to train the wait staff at one particular (very popular) local restaurant. It's been an ongoing process, but when they bring out samples of the various hot sauces, they would always bring this little, itty bitty bowls for all the sauces. The green chili sauce is very hot and very tasty. I need mine in a large bowl because, yes, I can go through two full cups of that stuff, some with chips, and some poured over whatever the main dish is, whether it's enchiladas or tacos, or even the beef tips in a stew. The green sauce is just that good, and it can be added to anything -- anything on, or off, the menu. The image fairly boggles the mind. Your Virgo mind is a little boggled right now. Perhaps it's the effects of Mercury and his errant ways. Perhaps it's that wait staff the folks who think a little bowl of the stuff will do. Perhaps it's something else, a vexing trouble at work. Doesn't much matter, though. Consider your task like my task of continuously training and retraining the server. You need to big, heaping bowl of spicy, piquant sauce right now. Nothing else will work. Go for the extra large portion, and see if this doesn't satisfy that Virgo sensibility a little better.

Libra: Some of the recent exchanges I've had with my dear Libra friend are not fit to print. And for a sign that is supposed to be remarkably well-balanced, you guys are anything but well balanced. The upside is way up, and conversely, the down side is the pits. That much sought after middle ground is nowhere to be found. It's either really, really good, or it's bad. So bad you fire off a note to the astrology guy, just to whine a little. Doesn't hold any water with me, sorry about that. No sooner do you get down sending me a note full of words that shock even my coarse demeanor, no sooner do you get down whining and complaining about this and that, when all of a sudden, something changes. And then it's good. Really, really good. The changes occur pretty fast, but that much sought after middle point, sort of the nice spot where everything is just okay, not good nor bad, just sort in the middle, it's still no where to be found. Now, you know this, but that shouldn't stop you from looking. Searching for the happy medium is a good idea. Expecting to find a happy place in between, that's somewhat unrealistic this weekend.

Scorpio: I keep trying to explain to folks that I'm allergic to work. "Work" in any traditional sense, it makes me break out in hives. I get all itchy and scratchy, I get to a point where I don't really like it. Showing up for a regular job, on someone else's timetable, following their preordained schedule, all of that seems like a colossal waste of my valuable time. I'm sure you know the feeling, and I'm sure you share my sentiments exactly. Especially now. This "work thang" is just entirely overrated as to what is expected of you, and then, what you expect to get out of it. But a weekly, biweekly or even monthly paycheck, regular as clockwork, now that's nice. If you feel so inclined, then there's a regular work thing going on, and now is a good time to jump into it. I know you don't like the expression "jump into it," but imagine this is a like a nice, cool bend in the creek, and pretend it's a hot summer's day, and all that water looks really inviting. To be fair, it's Texas, and it's winter time here. But you get the idea, you have to pretend a little. Make believe that work is like that cool, refreshing pond, and make believe you're about to enjoy this experience. A little bit of make believe goes a long way in making the task at hand a lot easier to deal with.

Sagittarius: The pickings are kind of lean this weekend, but then, as next week starts, the lean pickings become nice and fat, juicy even. It's like gnawing on a bone from some left over BBQ, and the beef bones have some pretty good flavor, but there's not a lot of meat left on the bone, nothing to really sink your Sagittarius teeth into. This is a problem as the weekend gets here, and you're like me, stuck with some bone that's barely got anything left to get your teeth around. But as the weekend unfolds and slowly flows into next week -- this is just like sorting through that pile of discarded bones, and there, amongst the cast off bones, there's a nice, big, fat, juicy, bone that hasn't been touched. Makes it ever so much more nicer. Here's a tip from the Fishing Guide to the Stars office and BBQ palace: zap that sucker in the nuke machine, Monday morning. Warming something up leftover from the weekend will make the rest of the week a lot more palatable. A little bit of sauce, and you're good to go.

Capricorn: I always figure it's a good idea to feel those feelings, and then, make no attempt whatsoever to bottle up the emotions. Go ahead, tell us how you really feel about that. What's bound to come out, probably as this weekend starts, what's probably headed out of your mouth even before you have a chance to bite it back, what you're most likely to do is have good old raging fit. Stomp your pretty little Capricorn feet. Get mad. Blow your top. I prefer to see that you don't do this in a setting where it could actually harm you. When I holler at the cat, she just gets this bemused look. Like my anger really doesn't bother her, which, of course, just adds fuel to my fire. Likewise, you're getting upset about something, and no one seems to see the importance of your upset. No one seems to understand that you're right. Stomp stomp. I understand, and I'll even sympathize with you. Now the problem: next week. Next week, there might be a little more evidence, and you might find out that you acted out of turn. This is the worst part, having to go back and say, "I'm sorry," to the person you blew up at. Once again, you have my sympathy. So when the anger button gets touched off, maybe think twice, or thrice, before you go ahead and let them have it.

Aquarius: There are a number of expressions, usually colloquial terms, that come to mind at a time like this. My favorite is not even a written expression, and from my research overseas, it seems to be a pretty universal gesture. It involves pointing an index finger at the temple, and revolving the finger's tip in a circular motion. At the outset, the most common term for this is "crazy." And it's not like you're really, certifiably insane right now, it's just that there is a lot going on. And with all the activity, it might seem like you are acting a tad bit off. As an artist, this isn't such a bad thing. As an Aquarius, this isn't bad, either. Matter of fact, according to some of my [non] Aquarius friends, just about everyone of you guys are nuts, all the time. The deal is, the planets are making some of your apparently irrational behavior more obvious to us. And I call it apparently irrational because I understand that your internal logic makes what you're doing is perfectly normal, acceptable, and it all even makes sense. Just be warned though, the rest of us might not understand that, not during the next few days.

Pisces: For the longest time, I kept figuring if I just got my hands on a certain computer model, you probably know what my predilections for computers are by now, and I kept figuring if I could just get my hands on that one machine, then my life would be better. I figured it was all I would need in order to make me a complete person. Then one day, a new credit card arrived in the mail box, and I realized that the new plastic had sufficient wherewithal so I could go right out and buy that particular machine. Right off the show room floor. Drive it right on home. This may come as a surprise, but my life did not instantly get better. I was just deeper in debt, and probably in a position where a little debt counseling would have been a good idea. And that computer? It was out of date in six months. But for that brief period of time, I felt like it was doing a lot things faster and better. And that's what counts, right? My tale of retail therapy applies to you, and especially now, because you've got to weigh out the plus and minus sides of that big expenditure before you make it. My suggestion s wait until it goes on sale, and Mercury is more forward moving, in another week or two. Can you put it off that long?